Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Ask Joaquin: What is Your Favorite Part of the Human Face?

From Anonymous:  What is your favorite part of the human face and why?

It's a good thing you specified it as a "human" face.  If you had just asked "What is your favorite part of a face?" I would have instinctively assumed you were referring to an elephant's face.  Elephant faces are customary in conversations such as these.  My answer would have been the trunk obviously.  Second to the valuable tusks and third to the dumbo-sized ears.

But the human face?  What an odd thing to ask.  Allow me to think aloud for a moment and consider the positive qualities of each.

The eyes...
  • They can be made to cry through various means.  You can cut an onion, or watch a sad movie, or even get shampoo in them.
  • It's fun to poke people in the eyes.  Poke.  Poke.
  • You can accessorize eyes with eyeglasses or sunglasses.  Even an eye patch if you are truly daring.
  • They come in five colors:  brown, hazel, blue, green and satanic red.
  • Eyes are said to be the "window to the soul" ... whatever the heck that means.
  • They are really useful when taking an eye exam (except for those last few lines which I don't think anybody can read).
The ears...
  • Probably the best place to collect ear wax.
  • The older you get the more hair will grow out of them.  More hair is better, right?
  • Can be used to listen to your iPod, conveniently tuning out annoying people who want to talk to you.
  • They hold up your glasses (or a spare pencil in case of writing emergencies).
The mouth...
  • It is the best place to insert food.  Shoving food directly into your stomach through your belly button is not a good idea.  I've tried.  The mouth works better.
  • Used for mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
  • Similar to mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, it can be used for kissing.  Unless you are an Eskimo.
  • Can be turned up at the corners to create a smile, or turned down to make a frown.
  • Needed to say the old Campbell's slogan "Mmm... mmm... good" or sing the Hanson hit "MMMBop."
The nose...
  • You can't "wake up and smell the coffee" without it.
  • Picking it provides hours of entertainment for most school-aged children (and the occasional lonely adult).
  • It's the claim-to-fame for Barbra Streisand.
So as you can see, each aspect of the human face has many benefits.  After careful consideration, I have decided that my favorite facial part would have to be the mouth.  You might think it's because I like kissing, but really I just love singing Hanson tunes all day!

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