To Idaho, Yellowstone and Wyoming and Back!

Last year Brian's family took us on a fantastic vacation to Disneyland in sunny Anaheim, California!  We rode fun rides, saw Aladdin and soaked up all the magic that is Disney!  This year, our exciting destination was Rexburg, Idaho...

Wait, what?

Yup.  Rexburg, Idaho.  Brian's mom Katherine grew up there and the Barrus family decided to have a family reunion (because who knows how much longer grandparents will stay alive).  A few years ago I drove up to Rexburg with the family, so it wasn't my first time meeting most of the family members there.  We stayed at Katherine's sister Connie's house with her husband Bruce.  Fun people.  Connie is a female body builder and Bruce enjoys photography.  He likes to photograph nature scenes.  And his muscly wife.  This probably sounds pretty ridiculous but it's all true.

Tons of other aunts, uncles, and cousins were there as well, including Brian's cousin Liz and her kids Aimee and Parker.  Parker is a fun little five-year-old who had me chasing him up and down the stairs all day or playing Hide and Seek.

"I'll count and you hide," he said.  "What number should I count to?"

"Count to ten," I said.

"Do you know what number I can count to?  I can count to one thousand!"

"Yeah... just count to ten."

He also took my phone and played Draw Something with it, so if you got a screen filled entirely in green scribbles the word was "polkadot."

As far as reunion activities went, the day was pretty low-key.  In the morning we gathered for a surprise birthday breakfast in honor of Brian's grandpa LaMar Barrus.  Brian's mom put together an awesome gift basket for him and each gift represented a moment in his long life.  It was really interesting to hear about his time growing up on a farm, living and studying music in Europe, and conducting an orchestra for years.

We ate lunch at the family favorite Big Jud's, the girls did their traditional activity of fighting over their grandmother's purses, shoes and jewelry, and we played a few family games.  It was nice to be included and fun to interact with the Barrus clan... even if it meant going to church with everyone on Sunday morning.  It's okay though, because I looked dang good in my suit and it's always fun to see Brian squirm uncomfortably in a pew.

Sunday afternoon we said goodbye to everyone in Idaho and headed to West Yellowstone with Brian's immediate family.  We stopped and explored Island Park and whatnot before staying in a hotel somewhere in Montana.  The next morning we ventured further into Yellowstone and saw lots of beautiful scenery including mountains and waterfalls and geysers.  We even saw some wildlife including several buffalo, adorable little chipmunks and squirrels, a mama deer and her two babies who crossed the street right behind us, seagulls, swans, a fox that we chased through the trees and the best part of all--an American Bald Eagle!

Oh, and there was also that one creepy-looking bug that flew into Brian's shirt.

Of course we had to go to Old Faithful.  The weather took a turn for the worse at that point and began to rain so we watched it from the safety of the porch.  Here's a video I took of the eruption, which is sideways.  I don't mean the eruption was sideways.  It was vertical.  But the video is sideways.  Not on purpose.  Ugh... just don't watch it.  In fact, I'm not even going to put it in here.

Anyway, the rain stopped and the sky turned blue again and we went out on the boardwalk to explore all of the many different geysers that surround Old Faithful.  It was a lot of fun, even if the geysers smell like dog farts.  The best part was when we took a dirt trail through the mountains to see Morning Glory and the Mirror Pool and some of the other sights off the main boardwalk.  There weren't any other people besides us out there and it sure felt good to be hiking in the wilderness.  I think that was my favorite part of the whole trip.

That night we drove out to Jackson Hole, Wyoming and had dinner at Snake River Brewing.  We were with Brian's family so of course nobody ordered any beer, which the waitress thought was pretty weird:  "No beer at the brewery??"  The food was delicious though.  I had a chorizo peach pizza which I loved.  A little family argument broke out at dinner involving Brian and some foul language in a show tune which led to Brian's mom storming off into the night.  We all had to go out and find her.  That's when I knew it was a true family vacation.  I mean, without family drama it would just be a regular vacation, and who wants that?

On Tuesday morning we explored Jackson Hole a little bit, did some shopping (we came home with some Huckleberry jam, taffies and chocolate) and even rode in a stagecoach.  Those poor horses had to work extra hard to pull Brian and I around... given that we seem to get fatter every day that we're together.  At the rate we're expanding, by the time we get married next November we'll be roughly the size of baby buffalo and bursting out of our tuxedos.  I decided then and there to make some healthier choices, and had my very last Coke in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

We're home now.  Let's see how long that resolution lasts.

25 Days of Jack: Day Twelve

Brian, Patrick, Courtney and I celebrated yesterday’s Day Eleven with dinner at Noodles & Co., ice cream from Farr’s and a movie.  We watched Rise of the Planet of the Apes and I liked it even more than I liked Cowboys and Aliens!  I’m excited for these really terrific movies, but not so excited for the fact that I now have two movie reviews to write…

Today was Day Twelve and Michelle came and treated me to a quick lunch during my break.  It was a very pleasant surprise in an otherwise uneventful work day.  We seem to be moving into the “slow season” now that all the summer blockbusters are done and everyone will soon be heading back to school.  Hardly anyone is coming to the theater!  Eight-hour shifts are hard to endure when each hour seems like two or three!

After work though, the family and I all headed to their Aunt Deb’s house for a birthday celebration for… A DOG!  Yep, I went to a dog’s birthday party today complete with party hats, a birthday cake and a large pile of presents.  Jenny’s dog Lou turned a year old—in human years—and we were all there to celebrate.  And so were many many dogs all barking and yelping and begging for our attention!

It’s been a great weekend, but unfortunately all good things must come to an end.  Brian’s cousin Patrick went home today and we will definitely miss him.  He’s a really nice guy and he even left us with a surprise gift—a book of American short stories!

Movie Review: Popper's Penguins are Predictable yet Pleasantly So

Mr. Popper's Penguins movie poster, image property of Twentieth Century Fox.

Mr. Popper’s Penguins AVERAGE

Permit me to paraphrase the plot.  Jim Carrey portrays Tom Popper, Jr., a professional person perfectly preoccupied with his profession.  He has parted from his wife Amanda (Carla Gugino) who is presently pursuing a new partner, his progeny Janie (Madeline Carroll) and Billy (Maxwell Perry Cotton) often protest paying their pop a visit on weekends, and he is being propositioned by his pompous employers to persuade Mrs. Van Gundy (Angela Lansbury)—the proprietor of Tavern on the Green—to part ways with her property.  His personal assistant Pippi (Ophelia Lovibond) with her perplexing problem with P’s, is particularly productive in propping Mr. Popper up and planning his professional appointments.  But a peculiar present from his passed-on papa—a pullulating party of penguins—puts everything into perspective.

This particular picture is predictable in plot.  The penguins portray plenty of propensity, and Mr. Popper soon picks up on what is the paramount prize:  his family.  He puts aside his pursuits of personal prosperity to provide for the penguins, play with his children, and rekindle the passion with his past partner Amanda.  Perhaps sappy at points, Mr. Popper’s Penguins was a pleasant picture to participate in.  The penguins were full of pizzazz and personality, providing for plenty of pranks and puns… and lots of poop!

Love movies?  Check out my Movie Page!

Movie Review: Panda Finds Inner Peace

Kung Fu Panda 2 movie poster, image property of Dreamworks.

Kung Fu Panda 2 AWESOME!

It’s not often that a sequel outshines the original, but in my opinion Kung Fu Panda 2 was a shining improvement on an already likable film.  It had kung fu action, plenty of laughs and a lot of heart.  And boy did it have some beautiful animation!

Jack Black stars as Po, the fat and fluffy panda bear who unexpectedly became The Dragon Warrior in the first film.  He works alongside The Furious Five—Tigress (Angelina Jolie), Crane (David Cross), Mantis (Seth Rogen), Viper (Lucy Liu) and Monkey (Jackie Chan)—to  protect China from any possible threat.  When informed by their mentor Master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) that China—and even Kung Fu as they know it—is threatened by an evil peacock named Shen (Gary Oldman), Po and the others embark on a dangerous mission to stop him.

The story gets interesting when we discover that Shen has a personal vendetta against Po.  An old soothsayer (Michelle Yeoh) had prophesied years ago that Shen would die at the hands of a panda.  In order to stop the prophecy from coming to pass, Shen killed all of the pandas in China… or so he thought.  Po is the only one left that can stop him.  The evil doesn’t stop there of course.  Peacocks were the inventors of fireworks, but Shen has found a way to use the principles of fireworks to his own wicked advantage.  He has created what is essentially the first gun ever, and with it he plans on destroying Kung Fu and taking over all of China.

The emotional core of the movie involves Po searching for the truth of his origins.  He realizes that his father, the goose Mr. Ping (James Hong), cannot really be his biological father.  I mean, Po’s a panda after all.  And when Po sees Shen’s henchmen for the first time he has a brief flashback of his past… a past involving his mother.  He soon becomes consumed with curiosity of the circumstances surrounding his birth, and when he discovers that Shen knows something about it he seeks answers from him.  This makes their battles all the more intense.

My favorite thing about Kung Fu Panda 2—aside from the surprisingly deep and intriguing story—was the use of various animation styles!  No less than three!  The beginning opens with a kind of 2D animation that evokes the feeling of shadow puppets.  Very beautiful.  It explains the back story of Shen.  Po’s flashbacks and memories are also shown through the use of 2D animation in a different style than the opening.  This style is similar to the opening of the first Kung Fu Panda movie.  Stylized and simplified, yet graphic and gorgeous.  I really loved these scenes.   Then, of course, the majority of the movie is computer animation full of dimension and vibrancy.  The fight scenes were choreographed beautifully and the locations were full of breathtaking detail.

The best scene is where Po finds inner peace, doing a rhythmic sort of martial arts while controlling a drop of rain, letting it roll over his body like a small ball.  This scene is intercut with the 2D animation showing his mother running through the woods with baby Po in her arms.  It’s hard to explain in words, because it’s something so visual!  The result is dramatic and emotional and just so stunning.  I was very impressed.

The strength of the movie came through its humor and its animation.  Dreamworks is definitely working its butt off to compete at Pixar’s high level of quality.  Technically, Dreamworks is doing amazing things, but their storylines still don’t connect as personally as Pixar’s do.  Kung Fu Panda 2 got really close… perhaps the closest they’ve come since How to Train Your Dragon… but they still lag behind.  They are closing the gap, however, especially with Pixar’s Cars 2 looking less than promising.

Love movies?  Check out my Movie Page!

Ask Joaquin: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

From Anonymous:  Why did the chicken cross the road?

The answer is simple... TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!

Or is it?

Perhaps an unexpected windstorm swept up all the chicken feed and blew it across the road.  The poor chickens in a starved and desperate state turned to cannibalism, eating the deliciously juicy thighs of their sisters, tender breast meat of their mothers, and all of the unborn chicks sunny-side up.  One brave God-fearing chicken resisted this savage impulse and risked all by crossing the dangerous road in search of her precious food.  Dodging semi trucks, motorcycle gangs, and reckless teenage girls in convertibles, the chicken crossed that treacherous bypass and found a nirvana of chicken feed.  She ate to her heart's content, laughing silently at the misfortune of her old comrades on the other side.

That is until the wind scattered all her food away again...

Movie Review: 'Hop' is Like Hip Hop Without the Hip

Hop movie poster, property of Universal Pictures.

Hop AVERAGE

Let me start off by saying this movie is not that bad.  However, it's also not that good.  The first few minutes were spectacular in my opinion.  The movie opened with the bustling and vibrant candy factory on Easter Island, and it was so charmingly magical that it put Willy Wonka's factory to shame.  Adorable little chicks and bunnies scampered about running the shiny golden machines that created chocolates and marshmallows and all of the delicious treats that boys and girls hope will fill their baskets come Easter morning.  It truly was wondrous to behold.

Unfortunately, we don't stay in that fantastical place for very long.  The majority of the movie is set in the boring old "real world" that we inhabit every day.  And for me, the magic of the movie stopped there.  In my opinion, the entire movie should have been animated.  It would have been so much better.  Instead we get a cartoon rabbit wandering around a dusty Los Angeles pooping jelly beans.

The main character, E.B. (Russell Brand), is the Easter Bunny's son who does not wish to follow in his father's footsteps.  Instead of taking over the family business by delivering Easter candy to all the children in the world (except China, which was actually a pretty funny little joke), E.B. wants to be a rock n' roll drummer.  So he escapes Easter Island and heads to Hollywood.  Soon he finds our human, Fred O'Hare (James Marsden), who is an unemployed twenty-something-year-old house sitting for some rich people.  Together they form an unlikely friendship and help one another live their dreams.

The story is cute enough I guess, and Russell Brand's E.B. actually had some really funny lines.  His one-liners helped me to watch the whole movie without falling asleep, actually.  Unfortunately, everything that happens just never lives up to it's opening scene.  Even the end was oddly non-climactic.  I heard someone describe this movie as an Easter version of the The Santa Clause.  And it really is.  Fred O'Hare ends up becoming the Easter Bunny and he even flies around in a sled...  It tries so hard to be hip and cool, but the end result is a forgettable family film that never lived up to its potential.

Love movies?  Check out my Movie Page!

Movie Review: 'Rango' is Resplendent

Rango movie poster, property of Nickelodeon and Paramount.

Rango AWESOME!

I have been absolutely dying to see this movie.  Ever since I saw the very first trailer in theaters, I knew Rango was a must-see film.  In those brief minutes I could tell that the animation was phenomenal, the story-telling was bold, and that Nickelodeon Pictures was really stepping up it's game.  What a shame that the circumstances of my life would leave me waiting an entire month after it's opening to see it!

So I really don't know what I can say about this movie that hasn't already been said.  Roger Ebert, one of my favorite film critics, wrote, "Rango is some kind of a miracle: An animated comedy for smart moviegoers, wonderfully made, great to look at, wickedly satirical, and (gasp!) filmed in glorious 2-D. Its brilliant colors and startling characters spring from the screen and remind us how very, very tired we are of simpleminded little characters bouncing around dimly in 3-D."

And I agree with him 100%!  So many "family" movies these days seem to have been cookie-cuttered out of sugar cookie dough then quickly slapped with some brightly colored frosting and rainbow sprinkles.  The end result is a sugary mess of emptiness with no nutritional value to speak of.  Yet Rango seems to think that maybe, just maybe, kids are ready for some real food.

The story is of a lizard who enters a town in desperate need of a hero.  They are living through a horrible drought of water, feeling pressure from many foes.  Folks are selling off their land, they are tormented by hawks and snakes, and they are beginning to lose faith.  But when Rango comes in, talking big and (accidentally) defeating one of their foes, he becomes their sheriff.  He then begins to unite the townspeople in a quest to bring their water back, all while grappling with the existential question: who am I?

The film, for the most part, has the look and feel of a classic western complete with gunfights, and saloons, and tobacco.  Some people have an issue with that.  Someone I know wrote on Facebook that Rango was the worst movie she had ever seen.  She said she wanted to walk out of the theater because she found the movie immoral, which is simply not true.  Is it gritty? Yes.  Is there some violence?  Yes.  Are the characters a bit rough around the edges?  Yes.  They say things like "hell" and "damn."  Some of them smoke cigars or make off-colored jokes.  They don't pretend to be perfect, but they all have a value that I feel many would admire:  they have faith and the strength to carry on.

And it's a shame that some people would get so caught up in their haughty habits of passing righteous judgment, that they would somehow be oblivious to the religious overtones.  Right from the get-go Rango encounters a prophet-like character named Roadkill.  He's an aged armadillo on a sacred mission of sorts who speaks in metaphors about life and destiny and death.  Then we meet the townspeople who are passing through many trials and tribulations, yet still clinging desperately to the hope that their salvation will come.  In one scene they even pray to The Spirit of the West for their deliverance.  And Rango, in a beautifully otherworldly scene, gets to stand in the presence of The Spirit of the West who reminds him that no man can leave his own story.  Rango returns to the town to be the hero he was meant to be.

All this elevated impact while being incredibly funny, totally unexpected and off-beat, wildly action-packed, and sparkling with visual panache.  Rango is easily one of my favorite animated movies of all time.

Love movies?  Check out my Movie Page!

JoaquiNews: It's a Bird! It's a Plane! But It's Not So Super...

Damage done by a flock of flying cranes.

LITTLE ROCK— According to a report by The Federal Aviation Administration, an airplane flew smack into a flock of cranes on Friday.  The commuter plane was filled to capacity with members of The Bird Lover’s Club based in South Florida.  They were on their way to a bird enthusiast’s conference in Arkansas, where one of the activities planned was crane-watching.

The cranes hit with such a force that the nose of the plane suffered incredible damage.  Blood and feathers smeared across the windshield of the plane, and one bird actually crashed through a window where it thrashed about in the cabin, uttering sounds of distress as it sprayed blood.  Ultimately, the depressurization in the plane caused the crane to explode, and the passengers became immediately ill at the sight of it.  Two passengers fainted on the spot.

The exploding crane also resulted in a 4-foot hole in the fuselage, putting everyone—both human and fowl—in danger.  Luckily the pilot was able to make an emergency landing, and no one died, although 6 passengers were hospitalized.  Now Southwest Airlines is grounding 79 planes for inspection to ensure they are bird-friendly.

Of the exploding crane incident, Greg Hansen said, “I heard a loud popping sound about three or four minutes before it blew open on us!  It happened right behind me, in the row behind me and it covered about 2 1/2 rows with blood and guts."

"I was texting my sister to make certain that she told my pet birds that I loved them," Brenda Reese said, “It was very, very scary.”

Although loosely based on actual news stories (click the links), this article is FAKE.

Cousin Oliver on the Drums

Brian's oldest sister Jenny was not cast in The Kesler Bunch simply because she does not live here.  However, she does come down on weekends so I guess she can be considered a recurring character.  Let's call her Cousin Oliver.  Anybody remember that little bespectacled boy?  He was in six episodes or so during their last season to make up for the fact that the Brady kids were all teens by that point.  Kind of like on The Cosby Show...when Rudy grew up they added Olivia to be the new cute little girl character.  There always has to be a little kid!  And Jenny will be ours.

When Jenny comes over, she brings her dog Lou with her.  I suppose he can play the Bradys' dog Tiger.  What ever happened to Tiger?  Although the doghouse was always part of the backyard set, the dog itself mysteriously disappeared after the second season.  Weird.  Well, if Lou keeps being as hyper as he is, he might "mysteriously disappear" too...

Anyway, so our Cousin Oliver doesn't feel too left out of the bunch I'd like to share this awesome video of her playing the drums.  Go Jenny!

JoaquiNews: Utah Adopts New State Symbol; Honey Bee in Danger

Utah's newest state symbol.

SALT LAKE CITY—Governor Gary Herbert recently signed a new Utah state symbol into law:  the John Moses Browning-designed M1911 pistol.  Only mere months after the mass shooting in neighboring Arizona, Utah officially has a state firearm.  And it’s a semi-automatic, baby.

                                                                                          

The adoption of a weapon as a state symbol came with lots of controversy, but Herbert claimed that it had less to do with the gun and more to do with the man who created it.  Browning was a Logan, Utah native— the son of Mormon pioneers—who gave back much to the state.  Honoring such a man seemed a very noble idea, until the true reason of the bill came into light.

Rocky Mountain Elk (Utah’s state animal) and California Seagull (Utah’s state bird) had blackmailed Herbert into passing the bill, with motives truly sinister.  For decades Elk and Seagull had felt like minorities when compared to the much more popular Honey Bee (Utah’s state insect).  Salt Lake City’s baseball team?  The Bees.  Deseret Industries and Deseret Book?  All referencing bees.  And what do you see on the Utah flag?  A beehive!  With the mounting social injustices, Elk and Seagull plotted a political assassination of the tyrannical Honey Bee.

Inhabiting an alternate universe of state symbols, Elk and Seagull had no way of murdering their foe.  Earlier attempts all proved futile.  Attempting to trap and roast Honey Bee in a Dutch oven (Utah’s state cooking pot) only infuriated the insect more.  Enlisting the help of Bonneville “Cutthroat” Trout (Utah’s state fish) resulted in the near-death of the fish by bee-sting.  Turned out his nickname was a bit misleading, as he was a bit of a pansy.

So with the new bill now signed into law, Seagull and Elk now have possession of a gun.  Herbert has cooperated with assassins.  May the blood of Honey Bee be on the governor’s hands.