Thursday, February 17, 2011

Tears Explained

First off, I want to apologize for being so melodramatic and over-the-top at times.  I was in a really strange place last night, and I couldn't quite focus while typing I guess.  Looking back at the post I wrote, I can see that it is really vague!

Secondly, I want to apologize for underestimating how much you readers out there care for me.  It seems that I have worried you all into a frenzy!  I went to bed almost immediately after writing that post, and while I was sleeping it got an obscene amount of hits and a few concerned comments.  I missed distressed text messages and phone calls as well, since my phone is always on silent.  Some of you seemed to understand that I was referring to our dog Buster, but it seems I led some of you to believe that Brian and I had broken up. Or that some family member had died or something.  Let me assure you that Brian and I will never separate and that if something as tragic as a death had occurred, I'd probably be too depressed to write anything at all...  So if I ever stop blogging for say a week or more, then maybe you should start to worry!

In case you haven't figured this out by now, things in the Palmdale/Littlerock area have not been progressing so well.  We can't stop thinking that it isn't where we are supposed to be.  So Brian and I have decided together that maybe we should move on, and try again what our original plan was:  move to Los Angeles.

We found a few hotels listed in Los Angeles that offer a low monthly rate.  The plan now is to move into one of these places on a month-to-month basis until we obtain steady enough work to apply for an apartment.  The temp agencies that Brian and I are with service an area called Santa Clarita (where my aunt works) which is actually much closer to Los Angeles than it is to Palmdale or Littlerock, so this move won't affect any job leads we might get through them.  It will also put Brian much closer to auditions and I will be much closer to my school when I start in April.  The only downside to this new plan (besides moving away from Tia Loca and my cousins) is that we can't have a dog in the hotel.

We've looked and looked, but the only monthly hotels that allow pets are far out of our price range.  We can't exactly budget $2,000+ for a hotel room right now.  And besides that, seeing as we can barely take care of ourselves at this point, falling in love with a stray dog was never a good idea.  We sure did love our Buster though.  We really did.  Brian sobbed all through the night last night.  "We abandoned our baby" he would say, "He's probably so scared... and so sad..."  I kept telling him, "Then let's go back to the animal shelter and get him back."  But we both knew that as much as we missed Buster, we just can't give him what he needs right now.

I still have a dirty paw print on my jeans from where Buster would jump up on my leg and wag his tail...  I can still smell traces of him where he would sleep...  And we still have his collar and his leash... I just can't bear to get rid of any of it.

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