Sunday, February 13, 2011

JoaquiNews: Marijuana Leads to Sexual Revolution in Colorado

Hippies playing music in Colorado.
Ten years ago, Colorado passed a law to legalize medical marijuana.  But only doctors in the bigger, hipper cities of Boulder and Denver felt comfortable becoming legitimate drug dealers.  So Vincent Palazzotto—presumably while high as a kite—had a brilliant idea:  shiny aluminum trailers.

He founded the Medical Marijuana Assistance Program of America and now Colorado is filled with traveling doctors who will prescribe and dispense blaze to all of the citizens—right out of their trailers.  “We want to be sure no patient is left behind,” says Palazzotto.

It’s all been a huge success in Colorado.  With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, a lot of people are looking to loosen up a little bit before the big day of love.  From February 1st to February 14th these traveling pot dealers are handing out free Viagra samples with any purchase of $100 or more.

“It’s basically Woodstock all over again out here,” says Billy Ray Applebottom of Salida, Colorado.  “It’s all about sex.  Free love.  It’s a sexual revolution!”

Even some big celebrities have found their way over to Colorado to partake in this so-called sexual revolution.  Rumors have been circling that Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson have been seen together lighting up and getting freaky in public places, such as the ball pit of a local McDonald’s play place.  Johansson’s rep denies it of course saying, “Scarlett and Sean are not dating.”  Of course during a sexual revolution one’s relationship status is irrelevant.  Dating or not dating, with a little stinkweed mixed in with Viagra, it’s a free-for-all.

In recent hours, this revolution has spread into neighboring Wyoming, New Mexico, Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma, and even Utah.  From Washington, U.S. President Barack Obama made a public statement about the sexual revolution, commenting on the people’s need to “find the answers” and the “spirit of unity that has defined these last few weeks.”  Clearly, there is a lot of uniting going on.  Lots.

Although loosely based on real news stories (check the links), this article is FAKE.


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