Ask Joaquin: Why is Cupid a Fat, Flying Baby?

From Rebecca:  Why the hell is Cupid a fat, flying baby with a bow and arrow?  And why does he ignore awesome people?

Thanks for this post-Valentine’s Day question, Rebecca!  I shall do my very best to answer your query thoroughly.  In fact, I’ll break it down into parts.

 For starters, let’s focus on the word fat.  Seeing as he’s a baby, it’s probably better that he is a bit on the chubby side.  A skinny baby is usually a sickly baby.  Besides, this is America, and we like things to be fat.  Look at Santa!  We love him all fat and jolly.  We can identify with that.  A skinny cupid would be like a skinny Santa.  It’s just un-American.

Why does he fly?  That’s a little trickier.  I looked into the Roman myth of Cupid (or Eros in Greek mythology).  Did you know he’s the son of Venus and Mars?  Yup.  His name even means “Desire.”  However, I’m not really sure as to why he has wings.  Maybe to represent his deity, but I don’t think Venus is depicted with wings, is she?  Or Mars?  So why does Cupid have wings?  I’m not sure.  But winged things are really cool aren’t they?  Like angels.  And dragons.  And maxi pads.

The baby part is also kind of a weird issue.  In lots of old paintings and sculptures he’s depicted as a little naked winged boy.  Not an infant.  However, nowadays, he’s always a baby.  Sometimes in diapers.  The diaper addition is understandable.  Americans these days are prude and really terrified of nudity.  Even baby nudity, so obviously he has to have a diaper.  But that’s just a tangent.  The myth says Cupid falls in love with Psyche, and I just can’t picture a baby (or even a small boy) falling in love with anybody.  Really makes no sense at all.

The bow and arrow also comes from the myth.  He has a gold arrow to make people fall in love, and a lead arrow to make people hate each other.  That’s perfectly logical, right?  Nothing weird about that.  Besides, do you have a different weapon suggestion for him?  I’m sorry, but I do not want my Valentine’s Day card to feature a machine-gun-toting cherub.  That’s a little too violent for my taste.

And then you wonder why he ignores awesome people.  My poor friend, Rebecca.  I hate to be the one to say it, but he doesn’t ignore awesome people.  I’m the most awesome person I know, and Cupid has definitely shot me with his golden arrow.  Shot through the heart.  So if you are implying that Cupid hasn’t gotten you a date, then maybe you aren’t awesome.

Ouch.  That was mean.  Maybe you are awesome, but Cupid’s just operating on a different schedule.  Or maybe he’s got a painful diaper rash right now and you’re just not at the top of his priority list.  My advice?  Send him some Calmoseptine for that rash and I’m sure he’ll get to your love life sooner rather than later. 

Have a question?  Ask Joaquin!