Saturday, January 1, 2011
Our Empty Apartment
The other night I had a huge meltdown. Brian and I were trying to pack up our stuff and everything was going wrong. I was rapidly realizing that we've accumulated more junk than I had thought and was worrying about how we were ever going to get it all in the car. We were also in a bit of a time crunch and so much needed to be done. We needed more boxes. We needed more time. We needed a miracle.
And if moving isn't stressful enough, Brian and I don't even have a concrete plan for our lives after we move. We don't have jobs in California. We don't have an apartment in California. We don't have anything. Suddenly I felt like a complete and utter loser. Totally incompetent with no direction.
"What are we going to do? We're going to be so poor. We're homeless. We're jobless. I smile and joke like it's going to be a big adventure, but really I'm terrified. What if you don't make it as an actor? What if I never make it as an animator? I'm not good enough. I have no talent. My life will suck no matter where I live. I'm almost 25 years old and what have I done with my life? My dad had big dreams too, and where is he now? He's poor. My grandpa's poor. We've always been poor. How do I break the cycle? Is it worth trying?"
And after lots of tears, suicide threats, and attempts to convince Brian to go without me, I finally came around. I know we need to do this... whatever "this" may be.
What we can't fit in Brian's car is being stored in his old bedroom at his parent's house. Our old roommate Mesun will bring it out to us in the summer. Until then, we have what we need to survive. We'll stay with my Aunt Rachel while we get settled, so we will at least have a roof over our heads and some friendly company.
The apartment was left empty yesterday afternoon, and our keys turned in. We no longer live in apartment #241, and we will surely miss it. So many wonderful memories in that place. Great dinners, fun parties, and lots and lots of laughs.
Goodbye, Salt Lake City. Hello, Los Angeles.