Showing posts with label That's Gay. Show all posts
Showing posts with label That's Gay. Show all posts

Monday, November 25, 2013

THANKFUL: Day 25


I'm thankful for good things that come in the mail!  Usually it's just bills and credit card offers, but today we got this awesome Save-The-Date from our friends Emily and Jessie who are getting married next spring.  We couldn't be happier for them.  We're also going to be what they call "bridesmen" so we're pretty pumped about that as well.  I'm thankful for love in the 21st Century.  I'm thankful for the rise of marriage equality throughout our nation.  I'm thankful for hot babes lying on the beach!  Hubba hubba!

Monday, November 18, 2013

THANKFUL: Day 18


I'm thankful for The Madison, a local club in downtown Provo.  As a member of the Provo Pride Council, I couldn't be more grateful for their unyielding support of the gay community.  They've let us use their space for free during numerous fundraisers and even hosted the very first Righteous Miss Provo Pageant and the Official Pride After-Party.  Since then, they've been hosting a monthly drag show every third Monday featuring the Divine Sister-Misters.  Seriously, The Madison is amazing.  I'm also thankful for the opportunity to see my friends perform, for sequins and high-heels and wigs... and we're all thankful for dim lighting!

Saturday, November 2, 2013

THANKFUL: Day 2


I'm thankful for my husband, Brian, and the fun times we have together.  Like our first-ever trip to  Wendover, Nevada.  We went with the Provo Pride Fun Bus today and boy was it ever fun.  We filled up our red Solo cups with margaritas and chatted up other gay and gay-friendly Utah County citizens as we drove northwest towards our destination.  Once there Brian learned to play Blackjack and I learned how to say no to desserts at an all-you-can-eat buffet.  It's harder than it looks.  I'm thankful for the group of people we went with, most of whom I met through my work with the Provo Pride Council.  I'm thankful for the transgendered and the gender-queer.  I'm thankful for the straight, the bisexual, the bi-curious and the gay.  I'm thankful for those who resist gender stereotypes, who fight for equality in our community, who refuse to be marginalized.  I'm thankful for men in floppy, white sun hats who are thrown out of BYU-housing.  I'm thankful for straight bandmembers who played at our wedding reception and ours only.  I'm thankful for fat comedians and gay florists and Japanese-manga-reading women who tell me of their love lives, who sit with me or hug me or tell us that we're their favorite gay married couple.

I'm thankful for my husband, Brian... or have I mentioned that already?

Monday, September 23, 2013

Provo Pride

Photos stolen from Wade Phillpotts and the Daily Herald. :P

"Christmas stockings!?" I said, in an overexaggerated tone of surprise, smiling all the while.  "What's this all about?"

The older woman with short white hair, seated behind the display of stockings and bibles, said, "Well, my church does a service project every year where we give Christmas stockings to AIDS patients."

"What do you put in them?"

"Basic hygiene and toiletries," she said.  "We've found that with medications being so expensive, little things like deodorant and stuff sometimes fall through the cracks."

It seemed sort of an odd connection to me, and as if she could read my thoughts, she added, "Some of our congregation think we should get a new project, but as long as I'm able, I'm going to keep doing this."

She got emotional here and paused to regain her composure.  She continued on in a choked voice: "I got a call from a woman once.  I don't know how she got our number, but she asked, 'Are you the church who does the stockings?'  I said, 'Well, yes.'  She told me that when she was diagnosed with AIDS her family rejected her.  That Christmas the only thing she got from anyone was our stocking.  She said to me, 'I put on the lotion that was in there... and the new socks... and I crawled into bed and I cried.'"

The woman telling me the story completely broke down.  I found myself tearing up as well, and I said to her, "Can I hug you?"  She nodded and came quickly around her little table and I gave her a hug.

"That's why I've gotta keep on doing this," she said.

I don't even remember the name of her church, but her name was Deb.  That I remember.

Deb and her church group were just one of the organizations participating at Provo's first-ever Gay Pride Festival.  Groups like Affirmation, Understanding Same Gender Attraction, Mormons Building Bridges, Equality Utah, The Human Rights Campaign and many more had informational booths at the event.  The Centro Hispano even provided free HIV testing.

There was face-painting and bouncy houses for the children, as well as bocci ball and croquet and performances by Cheer Salt Lake.  A variety of local musicians like Bat Manors, Joel Pack and the Pops, Batty Blue, Birdie and the Black Sheep, The Troubles and more took to the stage and really made the Pride Festival a lot of fun.

And do you know what?  In what is arguably one of the nation's most conservative cities in one of the most conservative states, thousands of people came out in support of the local LGBT community.  And I was a part of that.

Months ago, a friend of mine mentioned that there was a group of people trying to put on the first gay pride festival in Utah County.  I was very intrigued and I couldn't shake the feeling that I should get involved.  I found the Facebook page and simply wrote a post saying I was willing to help.  I was told of a meeting taking place and before long I was part of the core committee.  We're just a ragtag group of people, meeting in apartments and flower shops, who just want to make a difference in our community.  And on a shoestring budget, we managed to pull off a spectacular event.  Sure there's room for improvement, but for its first year, I'd say the Provo Pride Festival was a huge success and a huge step forward for equality and awareness and acceptance in our community.

If you want to make a difference... go out and make it.  That's what I'm learning.  Deb's doing it with stockings.  We're doing it with festivals.  And you can do it too.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Don't Be a Drag, Just Be a Queen


I must admit that I've never watched an episode of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Nope.  Not even one.  In fact, I can only bring up the haziest of mental images when I try to picture what RuPaul even looks like.  I'm sure a lot of people are thinking, I don't watch that either.  Who cares?  But I've found that in the gay community this statement is met with jaw drops.  Drag queens are a big deal.  When we went to the Utah Pride Festival in Salt Lake City this past June, lots of our friends kept name-dropping drag queens from the show left and right and oohing and ahhing as if they had announced that Lady Gaga herself would be performing at Pride.  But to me those names meant nothing.

And yet, I suddenly find myself Facebook friends with a handful of local queens.  What's more, I spent five hours on a Sunday night shepherding queens from a dressing room down to the stage, zipping up gowns, clasping bracelets, running up and down stairs, encouraging and reassuring and smiling all the while.  I felt like a wide-eyed schoolboy being thrust into a whole new world of wigs and tucks and heels... God, those heels.

Sunday the 15th was Provo Pride's first-annual Righteous Miss Provo Pageant.  My friend David, a.k.a. Cherri Bombb, worked tirelessly to put it all together and I was more than happy to help out "wrangling queens" as he put it.  And although I was exhausted by the end of the night, it really felt great to be a part of it all.  Many of the contestants had never done drag before.  And you know what?  They rocked it.

One of these first-timers, Linnox Green, said afterwards, "For once, I didn't have to put up a masculine facade, I could let my guard down and be who I am.  In Linnox, I had a sense of pride and self love that I find hard to feel other times, especially since I go to BYU.  In many ways, it was a rebirth for me..."

So while I might not identify as personally to the drag scene as those who perform it, I can identify with their desire to express themselves as they wish, to be who they are and to do it without judgment.  That I can understand.  Living life outside the social norm takes a lot of bravery.  Hold your head up high, girls.  Chin up and boobs out.  We got this.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Instant Coffee and the Word "Husband"

I'm sure you all know that I hate the first day of school, mostly because professors feel the need to put us on the spot and share "fun facts" about our lives with random strangers in the hopes that we will all be immediate friends.  Immediate, like instant coffee.  Unfortunately nobody likes instant coffee any more than they like silly get-to-know-you activities.

It was during such an activity that something interesting happened.  Interesting to me at least.  You see, we were paired off and given five minutes to "interview" one another and find out all the cool and fascinating things about our partner so that we might introduce them to the group.  Each pair also had to repeat the names of the people before them and on and on until everybody knew everybody's name.

My assigned partner was named Jaclyn (Jack and Jaclyn, that is interesting, right?  Yes, but that's not it) and she loved Mario video games.  She owned every Mario game on every gaming console.  Her laptop cover had Mario's face on it.  I mean, the girl really loved Mario.  She also loved movies and was minoring in film with a major in writing.  She had spent all summer doing free-lance writing on the internet... in between fierce rounds of Mario Kart that is.  We had a great little conversation and when it was time to introduce her, I felt like I had plenty to go off of.

As far as my half of the conversation went, I talked about the Chihuahua Comics I drew all summer, how I used to work at a movie theater and saw free movies (this was while she was gushing over her love of film) and how my husband and I were married last fall in New York City!  When I mentioned the last part, she was very quick to say, "Oh, that's okay with me" as if I somehow needed her validation.  Straight people do that a lot around here when I mention I'm gay.  "Oh, that's cool."  "Hey, it's a free country."  "I won't judge."  I sometimes have the urge to say those same sorts of phrases when they talk about their heterosexuality.  Can you just picture it?

Sweet Mormon girl:  My boyfriend and I are getting married in the Provo Temple.

Me:  Oh... you're with a boy?  Hey, love is love, I guess.  Your lifestyle choice is fine by me.

Sweet Mormon girl:  Huh?

Anyway.  I'm getting off topic here.  The interesting part came when it was her turn to introduce me.  "So... this is Jack.  He used to work at a movie theater.  We both love movies.  And now he's bummed because he doesn't get free movies anymore."  Yep, that's it.  I was introduced as a guy who used to work at a movie theater.  The professor asked her if there was anything else she could remember about me.  She turned bright red and quietly said, "Oh, and he's married."

The class moved on to the next pair and I was left with this mysterious feeling of déjà vu.  When Brian first told me about the situation, I didn't think much of it.  But now that it's happened to both of us, I can't help but ponder over what this sort of omission might mean.  Both of these students seemed perfectly fine with the idea of us getting married and being in a homosexual relationship, but for some reason they each decided that it wasn't something they should share with the class.  Is it to protect us?  Do they fear that perhaps others might not be as cool with gay marriage as they are?  Are they sparing us from the torch-wielding mob that will inevitably rise up against us if our marital status should be revealed?  Maybe that's it.  In their minds they are guardians of the gays.

Or is it that perhaps they are less comfortable with our relationship than they say they are?  I mean, they do rush into the "It's okay with me" line perhaps a little too emphatically.  Maybe there's still doubt in their mind.  Maybe for some reason they're embarrassed about it, and when it comes time to "out" us, they can't seem to do it.  They can't bear to acknowledge this fact to the group at large.

Maybe.  Or maybe I'm over-analyzing this and it doesn't mean anything at all.  I mean, Jaclyn also left out the part about my comics.  Maybe she just forgot most of what I said.  Maybe her look of embarrassment when she said, "Oh, and he's married," was at her own bad memory.  Or maybe my gayness isn't noteworthy.  Maybe we're at a point in society where saying I'm married is good enough.  It isn't necessary to specify that I'm married to a man.  Maybe I'm putting too much stock into my gay identity.  I don't walk around saying, "Hi, I'm gay," so why should I want Jaclyn to say, "Hi, he's gay" for me?

But that's not what I wanted her to say, is it?  I just wanted her to say, "Jack and his husband were married in New York City."  It's a fun fact.  Not everybody at UVU gets married in New York City.  And my homosexuality is implied--not directly stated--by the word "husband."

Maybe that's what's really bugging me.  The fact that she couldn't say the word "husband."  Like she didn't feel Brian was deserving of the term only straight couples should have.  Which brings me to another case in point.  The other night I had a big birthday party at our apartment and it got too loud.  Some neighbor made a complaint and a police officer arrived at our door.  Brian went to speak with him in the hallway.  He just told us to be quiet.  No harm, no foul.  "Is it somebody's birthday?" he asked.  "Actually, yes," said Brian.  "It's my husband's."  "Well," said the officer, being as nice as possible, "wish your boyfriend... er, fiance... um, partner a 'happy birthday' for me!"

It was very sweet of the officer to wish me a happy birthday instead of slamming us with some sort of citation, but why was it so difficult for him to say the word "husband"?  I mean, I understand he's probably not very familiar with gay couples, but Brian gave him the correct word to use.  He just didn't feel comfortable using it.  And that's what I think happened with my classmate Jaclyn.  Even though I told her all the things to say, she just couldn't bring herself to say them.

As much as Brian and I strive to be as "normal" as possible, we are still perceived as something totally weird and foreign.  What's totally clear in our minds, completely baffles others.  I'm not writing any of this to condemn anybody or anything like that.  Jaclyn and the police officer are both good people.  I just find it interesting.  Interesting and, like instant coffee, a little bit disappointing.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Phallic Fallacies: The Rhetoric Penetrating Proposition 8


Almost five years after California’s Proposition 8 was passed, you might be wondering why we gay people keep on beating a dead horse.  The truth of the matter is this:  We just enjoy beating off anything, horses and other animals included.  I’m joking of course, although some of the arguments surrounding same-sex marriage are so fallacious in nature that it’s almost hard to tell the difference between sarcasm and a legitimate position on the issue. The idea that same-sex marriage will suddenly lead to, say, legalized bestiality is an example of the slippery-slope fallacy Jay Heinrichs illustrates in his book Thank You For Arguing: What Aristotle, Lincoln, and Homer Simpson Can Teach Us About the Art of Persuasion.  It is my hope that this rhetorical analysis will shed light on such fallacies present in today’s debate over same-sex marriage and help you, the reader, understand the reasons why the gay community is fighting so hard against Proposition 8 and other measures that deny us the right to marry.

Before getting into the fallacies, however, I feel a quick overview of Proposition 8 is in order, because believe me, it’s far from old news.  In November 2008, in the state of California, a ballot measure was proposed and ultimately passed called Proposition 8 which amended their state constitution:  “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California” (Text of Proposed Laws, 128).  Obviously widespread protests ensued, especially since California had been performing same-sex marriages for some time.  A couple years later, August 4, 2010, Judge Vaughn Walker overturned Proposition 8 in Perry v. Schwarzenegger claiming that it violated the Equal Protection clauses of the U.S. Constitution.  Then another two years after that, February 7, 2012, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals deemed Proposition 8 to be unconstitutional, affirming Judge Walker’s ruling.  As of Tuesday, March 26, 2013, the U.S. Supreme Court is currently hearing arguments for and against Proposition 8.  That’s right, I said March of this year.  And a ruling is expected by the end of June.  You really can’t get more current than that.  So in favor of adding my voice to the arguments surrounding this controversial issue, I would first like to explain what a fallacy is and identify a few of them from Heinrichs’ text, illustrating each with popular arguments against same-sex marriage.  I will then take a look at the official briefs to the court, both for and against, being considered by the Supreme Court right at this moment, pointing out any logical fallacies and identifying the rhetoric techniques at play.  Finally, I will add my own two cents to the piggy bank of equality and explain why I personally am against Proposition 8... if anyone is still listening by that point.

Jay Heinrichs, in chapter fourteen of his book, says, “In rhetoric…there really are no rules.  You can commit fallacies to your heart’s content, as long as you get away with them” (138).  Frankly, I’m not okay with letting people get away with fallacious arguments, so let’s delve into what Heinrichs terms “The Seven Deadly Logical Sins” (137).  The first sin is called The False Comparison, and it occurs when the examples don’t hold up, either because they were grouped into the wrong categories or appealing to popularity or just a false analogy altogether.  For example, speaking on the importance of defending traditional marriage, Rick Santorum said in a radio interview:  “This is an issue just like 9-11… We didn’t decide we wanted to fight the war on terrorism because we wanted to. It was brought to us. And if not now, when?”  (Santorum).  You see how he tries to somehow lump terrorism and same-sex marriage into the same category?  It’s a false analogy that can strike fear in a lot of listeners, which is what Santorum wants.

The second sin is The Bad Example.  A bad example could include hasty generalizations, which are very common in any argument.  “Gay men are pedophiles” is a generalization because it “reaches vast conclusions with scanty data” (Heinrichs 144).  Rare instances of gay pedophiles do not validate the connection between the two.  Similarly lacking in evidence, the third sin, Ignorance as Proof, is when someone assumes that if you can’t prove it than it must not exist, or if you can’t disprove it, then it must exist.  Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia fell into this fallacy during the Supreme Court hearing on Proposition 8, March 26 of this year:  “There’s considerable disagreement among—among sociologists as to what the consequences of raising a child in a—in a single sex family, whether that is harmful to the child or not… There’s no scientific answer to that question at this point in time” (Scalia, Prop 8).  So because he believes no evidence exists showing gay parents are good, then they must be bad?  “The examples—or lack of them—don’t support the choice,” says Heinrichs (145).

The fourth sin, The Tautology, “…basically just repeats the premise” (Heinrichs 146).    As Heinrichs explains it, “The proof and the conclusion agree perfectly, and there lies the problem.  They agree because they’re the same thing” (146).  An example would be, “Homosexuality is wrong because it is a sin.”  If you notice, not a lot is being said here.  The fifth sin, The False Choice, is when two questions are lumped into one or a false dilemma is presented with only a couple of options when in reality there are many.  Senator Michelle Bachmann, for example, creates a false dilemma when she says: “It isn’t that some gay will get some rights. It’s that everyone else in our state will lose rights.  For instance, parents will lose the right to protect and direct the upbringing of their children” (Bachmann).  Let me get this straight (no pun intended), if gay people gain rights then straight people lose rights?  It is not a choice between one or the other!

The sixth sin, The Red Herring, is a pretty simple one to understand: it’s a distraction.  The distraction can either be something completely unimportant or it can even be a switch to an easier target—the straw man tactic.  A pretty out-there example of a red herring came from, once again, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia in 2003 during the Lawrence v. Texas case dealing with a Texas law that criminalized homosexuality.  In response to a lawyer saying privacy—including the privacy to have sex with whomever one wanted to—was a fundamental right, Scalia responded, “Suppose all the states had laws against flagpole sitting at one time, you know, there was a time when it was a popular thing and probably annoyed a lot of communities, and then almost all of them repealed those laws.  Does that make flagpole sitting a fundamental right?” (Scalia, Lawrence v. Texas).  Um… nobody’s talking about flagpoles, sir.  Stop trying to distract us with nostalgic methods of protest!

Our seventh and final sin, The Wrong Ending, is the one I see most often in arguments against same-sex marriage.  As Heinrichs explains it, “…if we do this reasonable thing, it’ll lead to something horrible” (151).  He calls this sin the “slippery slope” (Heinrichs 151) and one of its variations is the argument that gay marriage will inevitably lead to inter-species marriage or polygamous marriage or marriage of a man to his favorite pair of sneakers.  I do love me some new shoes, but not enough to book a church.  In the May 11, 2009 episode of The O’Reilly Factor on Fox News, host Bill O’Reilly got into an argument over same-sex marriage with analyst Margaret Hoover:
HOOVER:  I don't buy into the slippery slope argument at all.
O'REILLY: You'd let everybody do whatever they want?
HOOVER: That's the slippery slope argument. That's if you allow one thing to happen,
then another thing, and another thing.
O'REILLY: Hoover, you would let everybody get married who want to get married.
You want to marry a turtle, you can (O’Reilly).
Yep, Bill O’Reilly thinks gay marriage will lead to man/turtle marriage.  I mean, really?  A turtle?  Or how about this quote from Daniel Heimbach, senior professor of Christian ethics at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary:  “If marriage is radically redefined as a way of just affirming loving feelings of attraction, then equality will require allowing people who love dogs to marry dogs.  And people who love ice cream to marry ice cream” (Heimbach).  So as you can see, my opening horse joke is really not that far off.

Now that Heinrichs has explained some common fallacies and I’ve put them into context for you, I would like to talk about the current Proposition 8 hearing at the Supreme Court.  I have had the opportunity of inspecting two briefs made to the Supreme Court, and I don’t mean polka-dotted men’s briefs from American Eagle.  No, no, these amici curiae briefs were much more political and a lot less fun.  The first brief was written by the Obama Administration arguing against Proposition 8; the second brief was written by a group of churches—including the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—and argues in defense of Proposition 8.  I would like to put the two official statements into a conversation, if you’ll permit me, so that we can see just how these arguments are playing out in the courtroom.

In the Brief for the United States as Amicus Curiae Supporting Respondents, written by the Obama Administration, it states the following:  “The United States will address the following question presented by this case: whether Proposition 8 violates the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment” (I).  The brief then proceeds to outline their argument that Proposition 8 does indeed violate the fourteenth amendment by marginalizing same-sex couples.  The document references an earlier merits brief, No. 12-307, that identifies classifications based on sexual identity as cause for scrutiny, then gives four reasons why heightened scrutiny should be given: 
…(1) gay and lesbian people have suffered a significant history of discrimination in this country; (2) sexual orientation generally bears no relation to ability to perform or contribute to society; (3) discrimination against gay and lesbian people is based on an immutable or distinguishing characteristic that defines them as a group; and (4) notwithstanding certain progress, gay and lesbian people—as Proposition 8 itself under-scores—are a minority group with limited power to protect themselves from adverse outcomes in the political process (Brief Supporting Respondents, 6-7).
It is quite apparent that the majority should in no way make decisions that affect the minority, and gay and lesbian citizens are put at an unfair disadvantage with Proposition 8.

The opposing side, the side whole-heartedly endorsing Proposition 8, argues back that this has nothing to do with any homophobia or discrimination towards homosexual Americans.  In their brief, The Brief Amici Curiae National Association of Evangelicals, Etc. in Support of Petitioners, the group of religious organizations says the following: 
And whatever the failings (past or present) of individuals within our faith communities, we are united in condemning hatred and mistreatment of homosexuals. We believe God calls us to love gays and lesbians, even as we steadfastly defend our belief and judgment that traditional marriage is best for families and society (18).
They also insist that “only a demeaning view of religion and religious believers could dismiss our advocacy of Proposition 8 as ignorance, prejudice, or animus” (Brief in Support of Petitioners, 2).

What, then, says that Proposition 8 is “best for families and society”?  Is this not showing a prejudice towards certain kinds of families?  Are gay couples incapable of raising children?  The religious right likes to remind gay people that we cannot produce children biologically in same-sex relationships, but the anti-Proposition 8 argument asserts that regardless of the physical limitations, families can indeed thrive under same-sex parents: 
The overwhelming expert consensus is that children raised by gay and lesbian parents are as likely to be well adjusted as children raised by heterosexual parents. In any event, notwithstanding Proposition 8, California law continues to grant same-sex domestic partners the full extent of parental rights accorded to married couples. In that context, the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage bears no substantial relation to any interest in promoting responsible procreation and child-rearing (Brief Supporting Respondents, 8). 
If gay couples can still adopt and raise children, then Proposition 8 really isn’t protecting the families in the way that it claims it is.  What’s really at stake here isn’t the children, but the word marriage:  “Proposition 8, by depriving same-sex couples of the right to marry, denies them the ‘dignity, respect, and stature’ accorded similarly situated opposite-sex couples under state law…” (Brief Supporting Respondents, 11-12).  In other words, while a civil union might legally function as a marriage, the fact that it’s not a marriage creates a social stigma.  Kind of like the difference between a black drinking fountain and a white drinking fountain—while both quench the drinker’s thirst, we’ve come to find out that “separate but equal” isn’t necessarily true justice.  We, as homosexuals, would like a chance to drink from the same fountain as our heterosexual counterparts.

Those defending Proposition 8, in their court brief, say that marriage is about family and not about “affirming intimate adult relationships” (Brief in Support of Petitioners, 10).  Furthermore, they try to disparage the desire for a recognized relationship in two ways.  One, they try to make the desire seem selfish and petty, and two, they insinuate that same-sex relationships are nothing more than a gimmick:
These competing visions [of marriage] overlap in some respects but are nevertheless in deep tension. One is inherently intergenerational; the other, primarily interpersonal. One is focused on children’s and society’s needs; the other, on the desires of the couple. The question before this Court is whether the Constitution imposes on the Nation a novel conception of marriage over the one that has endured in all societies for nearly all of human history (Brief in Support of Petitioners, 11).
What’s worse is that this statement falls under Heinrichs’ fifth deadly sin, The False Choice, because it labors under the idea that marriage is either one of two things—intergenerational or interpersonal—and never both.  While no one’s denying that heterosexual marriages lead to offspring, this argument forgets that homosexual couples might also adopt and form families that will in turn prove to be intergenerational.  And when a heterosexual couple decides to commit their lives to one another, before children are in the picture, is their union not on some level interpersonal?  And furthermore, the choice isn’t between traditional marriage or nontraditional marriage—as if it’s one or the other and same-sex marriage will somehow take over and eliminate heterosexual unions—but rather it’s a choice between keeping the current limitations or expanding the benefits of marriage to all.

Now, the final decision of the Supreme Court will not happen for another few months.  So while we’re awaiting the verdict, let me appeal to your pathos for a second.  Pretty please?  It’s a rhetorical device I am unabashedly taking advantage of.  You see, ever since I was a kid I was taught that when two people loved each other they got married.  Sure, the "two people" were probably explained to me as "a man and a woman," but that didn't stop me from making the blonde Ken doll and the brunette Ken doll ditch Barbie and go marry each other.  So when I grew up years later and realized I was gay, that notion of marrying the one I love didn't go away.  And when Brian, my partner of almost five years, asked me to marry him I said yes.  Actually, it was more of a squealing YES!  It just seemed to be the natural progression of things.  You meet, you fall in love, and you get married.

And although same-sex marriage is legal in the state of New York, where Brian and I tied the knot November 9, 2012, our marriage license doesn't mean anything in the state of Utah where we currently reside.  And while we do not live in California, where the Proposition 8 battle is taking place, the outcome of this case will affect us and the nation one way or another.  The ruling could entail a nationwide precedent that bars states from discriminating against same-sex couples if deemed unconstitutional. Or perhaps it will only affect California.  But even so, a victory in one state could be the start of a ripple of change in other states as well.  I hope for the day my marriage will be as valid as anyone else’s, because my marriage means more than anything to me.  It means a lifelong commitment.  It means the start of a family.  It means all of the things that marriage means to straight couples.  Nobody goes into marriage saying, "I'm only doing this for tax purposes and hospital visitation rights."  No, they do it for love.  And while those are the sorts of benefits that go unrecognized here in Utah, Brian and I still know in our hearts that we are married.  And you know what?  Being married is freaking awesome.

So even though Proposition 8 might seem old news to some, to those who it directly affects, such as me and my loving husband, the issue is far from over and done with.  Democracy is an exciting thing, one where we can all voice our opinions; rhetoric gives us that voice.  The way gay advocates phrase an argument—equality, civil rights, discrimination—is different than the way Proposition 8 supporters will say it—tradition, values, abomination.  And while an argument might seem valid and appeal to our pathos or even our ethos, sometimes we don’t notice that the argument is flawed.  The logos can be thwarted by a fallacy and while both sides are guilty of this, I believe the arguments against same-sex marriage equality are both more flawed and more damaging.  So no, we gays will not stop beating this horse.  We will not give up until we can stand as equals (although more fabulously dressed) alongside our heterosexual brothers and sisters.

Works Cited
Bachmann, Michelle.  “Prophetic Views Behind the News” hosted by Jan Markell, KKMS 980-AM. 6 Mar 2004. Radio.
Brief for the United States as Amicus Curiae Supporting Respondents. No. 12-144.  Department of Justice.  Washington, DC.  Feb 2013.  Print. 
Brief of Amici Curiae National Association of Evangelicals; The Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention; The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; The Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod; The Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America; The Romanian-American Evangelical Alliance of North America; and Truth in Action Ministries in Support of Petitioners. No. 12-144.  Salt Lake City, UT.  29 Jan 2013.  Print.
Heimbach, Daniel. Marriage Amendment Protection Forum.  Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, Wake Forest, NC.  28 Mar 2012.  Speaker.
Heinrichs, Jay.  Thank You For Arguing.  New York: Three Rivers Press, 2007.  Print.
O’Reilly, Bill.  The O’Reilly Factor.  Fox News Network.  New York City.  11 May 2009.  Television.
Scalia, Antonin.  Supreme Court Hearing on Proposition 8.  Washington DC.  26 Mar 2013.  Speaker.
Scalia, Antonin.  Lawrence v. Texas, 539 U.S. 558.  Washington DC.  2003.  Judge.
Text of Proposed Laws: Official Voter Information Guide.  “Proposition 8.”  Sec. 7.5, Pg. 128.  Draft copy.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Sydney's Journalism Piece on Same-Sex Marriage Featuring Us!

Quick recap, our friend Sydney asked us if we'd like to be a part of a journalism project for school and we agreed.  She came over Sunday night to interview us and it was pretty neat.  Yesterday she messaged us the link to her final project and I've gotten permission to post it here on my blog.  It's a short piece (1:21) about Utah's shifting views on same-sex marriage and we're in it at the end.  She said she originally turned in a slightly longer version that contained more of our interview, but her professor's TA kept insisting she edit the piece down.  She's not entirely happy with the cut-down version, but Brian and I still thought it was pretty dang cool.


Saturday, April 6, 2013

A Text from Sydney

I got a text message this morning from a friend of mine named Sydney.  I haven't talked to her in a while, so it was a nice surprise.  We talked about our busy lives for a bit before she said, "Hey so I hate to like randomly talk to you after forever and then ask a favor... but I'm doing a story on the gay marriage debate for one of my journalism classes and I would love to interview you and Brian."  I wasn't expecting that sort of favor to be asked, but I couldn't say no.  I mean, for a lot of people Brian and I are the only gay couple they know... let alone a married gay couple.  So even though I'm completely swamped in schoolwork this weekend, we agreed to the interview.  She's coming over to film us tomorrow.

That's right, film us.  When I initially agreed to help out I thought it would be for a written article.  But no, she wants to show Brian and I cooking in the kitchen and acting all cute and coupley.  Then we'll sit down for a filmed interview session with her. It's a little nerve-wracking, and I have to remind myself that nobody's going to see it other than her professor and a smattering of classmates at Brigham Young University.

Speaking of BYU, I know that their men's chorus sang at one of the sessions of LDS General Conference today.  I have a couple of gay friends, Michael and Andrew, who sing in that choir.  They were pretty excited to be a part of it all.  Also, while I'm on the topic of gays and BYU students, I know a guy named Nathan Cunliffe who co-created a comic strip for BYU's Understanding Same-Gender Attraction (USGA) organization.  The strip is called Bronicorns and it's about two brothers, one gay and one straight, who attend BYU.  It's pretty cute, so you should check them out!

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Ask Joaquin: Who Proposed to Whom?

From Amberly:  Who proposed to whom?

That's a fantastic question.  Not too long ago we invited our friend Hannah and her boyfriend Andrew over to carve jack-o-lanterns and enjoy homemade pumpkin pie and apple cider.  It was an enjoyable evening, and being fairly new in our friendship there was a lot to talk about.  At one point we started to discuss how Brian and I got engaged... and funnily enough, the two of us got into a little argument over it.  His version didn't match mine!

Here's how I tell it.  One day in August 2009 I came home from work to find a dressed-up Brian and a table laid out with a scrumptious meal.  It was a random weeknight so I was a little surprised.  Then while we were eating, he got down on one knee and pulled out a box with a ring in it and proposed, saying something ridiculously sweet and romantic.  I, of course, smiled from ear to ear and said a most emphatic "YES!"  Brian says he had wanted to propose on my birthday (the 20th), but as soon as the ring came from online he just couldn't wait any longer!  He had to propose ASAP!

A few months later, November 2, we were celebrating our first anniversary in Park City, Utah.  We were in the hotel room when Brian asked for his anniversary gift.  I got on one knee and returned his proposal with a matching ring.  (The site he had used was still in our browser history, so finding the same ring was surprisingly easy.)  Unfortunately the ring I had gotten him was way too big and I had to send it back and get him a replacement.  I'm not sure how I was so off with the size.  I had printed out a paper ring sizer and while he was sleeping I measured his finger.  I realize now how creepy that sounds.

So to sum up, Brian proposed to me and then I proposed to him.

But here's where Brian swoops in to correct me.  That wasn't when he first proposed, even though that's what I consider to be the "official" proposal.  That's the story I usually tell people.  But in reality, Brian asked me to marry him much sooner than that.  And when I say "much sooner" I mean like Mormon-dating fast.  He unofficially asked me to marry him like a week or two into our relationship.  Kinda embarrassing, so you can see why I would choose to tell the version where we had been dating for almost a year.  I believe we were in his car and he just asked me if I would marry him.  And I said yes.  He talked about how it would have been cool to take me on a carriage ride in Salt Lake City to propose (which they have around Christmastime), but again, his anxiousness to ask me interfered with grander romantic plans.

So really, Brian and I have wanted to get married pretty much from the get-go.  Four years later, we're finally going to make that happen.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Ask Joaquin: Will You Be Taking Brian's Last Name?

I answered some marriage-related questions on the 11th, but more and more just keep coming!

From Kathi (my mom):  So are you changing your name to Kesler?  *Note, this question is one of the most frequently asked.

That's a very good question.  In a traditional heterosexual marriage (in our particular culture, that is) the woman takes on the last name of her husband, but in our situation neither one of us is the blushing bride.  In fact, we even know some straight couples where the woman has kept her name. Early on in our engagement, Brian and I had discussed the possibility of changing both our surnames to Kesler-Garcia, to reflect our union, but I would cease to be Jack John Garcia III, and what a shame it would be to lose my suffix!  Besides, name-changing is a hassle.  So, no, Mom, I will still bear the name you and my father had given me from the start.  However, any future children we hope to adopt will be given the name Kesler-Garcia.

From Anonymous:  Which one of you is the "man" and which is the "woman"?  or... Which one of you is wearing the dress?

As stated in response to the above question, neither one of us is the bride.  Perhaps in other same-sex couples this question is applicable (I won't try to speak for gays everywhere), but in our case, neither one of us is a cross-dresser or transvestite, so no wedding dress will be worn.  For those going to our reception, expect to see us in nice suits.  And as far as our relationship goes, neither one of us can be categorized as the "man" 100% of the time nor the "woman" 100% of the time.  I won't even begin to say how incredibly sexist this question is...  Just know that Brian and I function as equals.  We both have jobs, we both go to school, and we both take care of the house when we have time.  Brian enjoys cooking more, so he does all the cooking.  I'm more of a neat-freak, so I do most of the cleaning.  We have a good balance that way, and it has nothing to do with preconceived gender roles.

From Katherine (Brian's mom):  Will you be in New York City long enough to get everything done?  Won't you need a blood test?

Actually, a blood test is not a requirement for a marriage license in the state of New York.  In fact, the whole process is relatively simple.  Almost shockingly so.  According to the website for the City Clerk's Office in NYC, all we need to do is fill out an application (which we have already done online), pay the fee, and present our social security number and driver's license to obtain a marriage license.  We must then wait at least 24 hours to have the wedding ceremony which will also take place in the City Clerk's Office.  For that we will need the marriage license (obviously), another fee payment, and a witness (thankfully Brian's cousin Patrick has agreed to fly out to NYC to fill that role).  So to sum it all up, on Thursday, November 1st we will take care of the marriage license stuff and then on Friday, November 2nd (our four-year anniversary) we will seal the deal with a court ceremony and start a new chapter in our lives as newlyweds!

From Emily:  What kind of wedding gift do I give a gay couple?  I've never done this before!

Well, thanks for your concern, but we're really not all that different.  We homosexuals enjoy many of the same household items that you do and they don't even have to be rainbow-colored or covered in glitter.  So you know that toaster you always buy for your straight friends who tie the knot?  That would work for us too!  (Although, in all seriousness, we already have a toaster so thanks but no thanks).  If gift-giving is really hard for you, you can always stick to our registry or just give money.  Because gay or straight, money makes everybody happy!

From Brett:  Will there be drinking at your reception?

Sorry to disappoint those desperately in search of an open bar, but our reception will be a dry one.  I know, we're totally lame.  One reason is that alcohol is really expensive and it's just not within our budget.  Also, we're really grateful some of our LDS friends and relatives are coming at all and we didn't want to make them any more uncomfortable by throwing champagne into the mix.  But mostly there will be no drinking because the venue doesn't allow it.  "Curse those pesky contracts!"

But what you can expect is a whole lot of sober fun!  The tentative schedule goes something like this:  Meet and greet for the first 45 minutes or so followed by a special video presentation and the couple's first dance.  Live music by Van Lady Love (featuring an old mission buddy as the lead singer) will continue from about 8 to 9, so prepare to be entertained.  The cake will then be cut and served (don't worry, we'll have various cheesecakes available all throughout the night as well) and a dance party will commence for the remaining hour.  So.  Much.  Fun.

Of course you can come and go as you please, but seriously, you'll want to stay for all the awesomeness.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Ask Joaquin: Why Are You Getting Married?

With all the wedding planning, we've been getting a lot of questions about our marriage.  Due to the sensitive nature of most of them, I've referred to those asking as "anonymous."

From Anonymous:  Why are you getting married if it's not even legal in Utah?

Ever since I was a kid I was taught that when two people loved each other they got married.  Sure, the "two people" were probably explained to me as "a man and a woman," but that didn't stop me from making the blonde Ken doll and the brunette Ken doll ditch Barbie and go marry each other.  So when I grew up years later and realized I was gay, that notion of marrying the one I love didn't go away.  And when Brian asked me to marry him some three years ago, I said "yes."  It just seemed to be the natural progression of things.  You meet, you fall in love, you get married.

And although same-sex marriage is legal in the state of New York, where Brian and I are tying the knot, I am well aware that our marriage license won't mean anything in the state of Utah.  So why bother?  Well, because it means something to us.  It means a lifelong commitment.  It means the start of a family.  It means all of the things that marriage means to straight couples.  Nobody goes into marriage saying, "I'm only doing this for tax purposes and hospital visitation rights."  No, they do it for love.  And while those are the sorts of benefits that will go unrecognized here in Utah, Brian and I will still know in our hearts that we are married.

Besides, we don't plan on living in Utah forever and we will most likely find ourselves in one of the six states that does recognize same-sex marriage someday.  And as the fight for marriage equality continues, I am optimistic that more and more states will embrace it in the future.  The world is changing.  France is on the brink of legalizing same-sex marriage within the next few weeks and not long ago Mexico did the same, joining Canada and ten other countries.

From Anonymous:  Is your marriage some kind of political statement?

Considering it's an election season and Brian's Facebook statuses are hyper-political as of late, I can see where one might get that idea.  However, this is nothing of the sort.  As I stated in the answer above, Brian and I are getting married because we love each other and that's what people in love do!  Far from trying to stir up controversy, I would say our desire to be married is probably the most conservative and traditional thing about us.

From Anonymous:  I love you guys, but my religious views are in opposition to same-sex marriage.  How do I reconcile this?

I'm going to answer this question with a bit of a story.  There's a member of Brian's extended family that expressed a similar sentiment.  She said she loved us and enjoyed our visits to her home, but at the same time worried that by attending our wedding reception she was condoning same-sex marriage which she finds contrary to her religious beliefs.  She took her concerns to the Lord in prayer, and came to the conclusion that Jesus would have gone if he were in her shoes.  We were happy to hear she was able to find a way to reconcile her desire to be supportive with her belief system.

But as much as I would love everyone to take that route, I understand that not everyone will come to the same conclusion.  It's heartbreaking that such a joyous and happy day in my life can bring about negativity... but it has to some degree.  Feeling a little down, my sister sent a text message reassuring me that no matter who may or may not be in attendance, "God sure will be."

Sunday, September 30, 2012

September Happenings

Brian and I have been busy lately.  I'm still working five days a week at Zales, including weekends, and my only days off are Tuesday and Thursday when I attend my three classes at Utah Valley University.  Brian has had an extremely heavy workload the last few weeks at Culinary Crafts, going in really early and working 12-hour shifts.  On top of that he's taking four classes at UVU (two on campus and two online) and barely finds time to do the coursework.  Heck, we barely have time to give each other a goodbye kiss before we part ways!

But here are some things we have managed to do this month that weren't school/work-related:
  • We attended a doggy birthday party!  Brian's sister Jenny's dog Lou celebrated his birthday on the first.  Since Brian's a pastry chef, we thought some pastry-shaped rawhide treats would be a good gift for the canine.
  • That same night we drove up to Layton to celebrate my (human) cousin Tanissa's birthday.  It was at the Fahrenheit Lounge and it was fun... even if we had to skive off early to drive all the way home.
  • Brian wanted to try out a duck recipe so he invited Stephen and Lexi over as guinea pigs.  The food was delicious and the conversation was great.  We even had Shirley Temples!
  • My coworker Tara invited us out to party at The Madison in downtown Provo the following weekend and we had a blast!  I got to see one of my old coworkers, Riley, and then Brian and I ran into our friends Karrie and Ana on the dance floor!  It was great to see them!
  • I officially became a Utahn this month!  Woohoo!  Or should I say "boohoo"?  I'm not sure if I'm happy about that or not...  Anyway, my Colorado driver's license finally expired on me so I got myself a Utah one.  My buddy Wes was kind enough to accompany me to the DMV and we had so much fun we just decided to hang out all day.  Brett came over later and we played Wii Super Mario and ordered pizza.  Oh, I should also mention I look dead sexy in my driver's license photo, but no surprise there.
  • Glee started this week, which you know I love, and I've also become hooked on The New Normal.  Such a great new show!
  • As far as wedding planning goes, Brian and I have purchased the plane tickets to New York City and reserved the hotel room.  We've also set the date for our reception (November 16), booked the venue (Rock Canyon Room), hired a band (Van Lady Love), registered for gifts and ordered the invitations.  Brian's mom and I even went on a little shopping excursion for decorations.  Things are progressing smoothly!
  • My dad turned 50 this month!  He's so old!
  • My friends Curt and Lamar invited me to their monthly Gay Poker Night.  I've got the gay part down but boy do I suck at poker.  I had a couple of good hands, but ultimately I went down in flames... no pun intended.
  • Brian's sister Courtney turned 17 on the 27th and we celebrated with a family dinner at the Kesler house.  Then my little sister Renee turned 19 the next day, but unfortunately she lives too far away to visit.
  • My friend Michelle (and yes, we're friends again) had her birthday the day after that and Wes and I went to her birthday dinner at Red Robin and then the midnight showing of Looper, which was pretty dang cool!
  • The birthdays continued with our friend Nichole who threw a shindig at her new home in Lehi (which she shares with her girlfriend Emily) and Brian, Mineh and I drove up together to celebrate.  We played some new games, met some new people and had so much fun we ended up staying the night.  Slumber party!
So that was the month of September.  Let's see what October has in store!

Saturday, June 30, 2012

10 Gay Things That Made Me Happy During Pride Month


Gay Pride Month is coming to a close.  I've already given an account of our fun weekend in Salt Lake City at the Utah Pride Festival, written about the supportive note left on Brian's car for sporting an Equality sticker, and praised JCPenney for their support of marriage equality... but what else made me particularly proud to be a gay man this month?

1.  As if I needed another reason to love an Oreo, the cookie came out in full support of the LGBT community when it posted a photo of a rainbow-filled cookie on its official Facebook page on June 25th. The photo said, "Pride," with the accompanying status reading, "Proudly support love!"  I will proudly support that delicious cookie with a tall glass of ice-cold milk!

2.  Ben Long, a Mormon friend from my home ward in Colorado, posted on Facebook, “I would like to clear any confusion.  I fully and whole-heartedly support gay marriage and all that it stands for.  Seriously people, a person's happiness shouldn't affect how you feel about yourself and the world you live in.  It's their life, not yours.”  Just like the Mormons who marched in the Utah Pride Parade, it's great to see that Ben is an open-minded individual who supports equality and justice for ALL Americans.

3.  Entertainment Weekly recently came out with an issue of their magazine with the headline "The New Art of Coming Out."  The article, entitled "By The Way, We're Gay" by Mark Harris, discussed the way celebrities are coming out of the closet in a quiet way nowadays.  It mentioned when Ellen DeGeneres came out as a lesbian in 1997 it was huge news, but today celebrities are simply mentioning their homosexuality in passing as if daring the public to make a big deal about it.  The gay celebrities mentioned in the article included Chris Colfer, Jim Parsons, Zachary Quinto, Neil Patrick Harris, Wanda Sykes, Andy Cohen, Matt Bomer, Jesse Tyler Ferguson and many others who are hugely successful on television.  Apparently being gay isn't as damaging to one's acting career as it once was.  The article ends with this quote:  "In 2012, it's still worth pausing for a moment to celebrate the people who are paving that road and, strange as it sounds, the approach of a day when news like this is so much a part of the fabric of everyday life that it won't merit the cover of this magazine."

4.  At work I spoke to a lovely girl named Flo who was shopping for an engagement ring.  I helped her find the perfect one, and when I asked who it was for, she said, "My future wife."  I pointed to my ring and explained that I was engaged to a man and we instantly felt like we had something in common.  She was there with who appeared to be her father and little sister, and I was happy to know she had family support.  Flo went on to tell me that her plan was to propose in Santa Monica, CA on a vacation with her girlfriend.  She had even gone so far as to hire a flash mob to aid in the proposal!  Isn't that awesome?

5.  President Obama came out in support of gay marriage recently, so it was no surprise when he recorded this video officially naming June the month of LGBT Pride.



6.  After posting the question, "Who on Facebook would be interested in going to Brian's and my wedding next year?" I was overwhelmed by the positive responses.  Over 50 friends and family members either liked the status or left a comment expressing their support of us as a couple and a desire to be in attendance for our big day.  I can't wait for 2013!!

7.  Superhero Green Lantern, aka Alan Scott, is now a gay man in DC Comics' new series Earth Two.  In an article in RollingStone Magazine, the creator of the series, James Robinson, says,  "Alan Scott is super-heroic, he's super gallant, he’ll die for the earth, he’ll die for its people, he's everything you want in a hero. I imagine he’s such a Type A character that when he realized he was gay, he was like, 'Okay, I'm gay, now I'm just gonna go on with my life.' He's so accepting of it himself and he's such a compelling person that the world knows Alan Scott's gay. He's such a leader, he's such a good man, that the Justice League don't care. And that's a healthy depiction of a team and how it should be."

8.  My dad has been penning some supportive and loving stuff about me lately, as evident in my Father's Day tribute to him.  But his kind words just don't stop.  He later said, "It's because of his integrity that he had the courage to 'come out' and reveal his true self amid the fear of the unknown consequences, and I truly admire him for that."  It makes me feel good to be admired!

9.  Chevrolet put out a print ad in a Detroit-based LGBT publication that featured a Chevy Volt "coming out" to its parents saying, "Mom, Dad, I'm electric."  Beneath a rainbow border, the caption read: "So, whatever revs your engine, we support you 100%.  Happy Motor City Pride from the entire Chevrolet family."  This makes me want to go out and buy a brand-new Chevy Volt!

10.  In an interview with The Independent, Carrie Underwood made a statement in support of marriage equality.  Although many celebrities have expressed this opinion, it came as a bit of a shock from the Christian country singer.  She said, "As a married person myself, I don't know what it's like to be told I can't marry somebody I love, and want to marry.  I can't imagine how that must feel. I definitely think we should all have the right to love, and love publicly, the people that we want to love."  But how does this coincide with her Christianity?  She added, "Above all, God wanted us to love others. It's not about setting rules, or [saying] 'everyone has to be like me'. No. We're all different. That's what makes us special. We have to love each other and get on with each other. It's not up to me to judge anybody."

So there you have it, the 10 gay things that made me happy during Pride Month!  Now I'm off to eat some Oreo cookies while driving my Chevy Volt and listening to "Jesus, Take the Wheel."

Saturday, June 16, 2012

JCPenney's Father's Day Ad


JCPenney has become quite the gay supporter recently.  First they hired Ellen DeGeneres to be their spokesperson, then they featured a wedding cake with two little men on top in one of their wedding registry fliers, and now they've got a 2-page spread in their Father's Day catalog of gay dads playing with their children.

When I first saw the ad, which is circulating like crazy on the news and internet, I assumed the family pictured was composed of paid models.  However, I stumbled upon an article from a website called Advocate where I learned that the family pictured is a real family.  The man on the left is named Cooper Smith and he's the founder of a public relations and social media firm called Cooper Smith Agency.  He's also the founder of an e-zine called Gay List Daily and the gay-parenting blog 2 Daddies, 1 Love / 2 Mommies, 1 Love.  His partner of 13 years (on the right) is named Todd and their children are Claire and Mason, aged 3.

The experience of being in the ad has been a positive one for them.  According to a quote in the Advocate article, Cooper said:
We’ve received hundreds of emails, Facebook posts, Twitter comments and cards in the mail from everyone from long-lost friends and classmates to complete strangers in remote parts of the United States and beyond, each filled with heartfelt sentiments of support and acceptance.  Sure, there have been some pretty hateful comments and notes, too. But they’re nothing we haven’t heard our whole lives. More importantly, they’ve been eclipsed at least 100-to-1 by the positive ones.  Personally, it’s warmed our hearts and renewed our faith that most Americans are fair-minded people and that there’s a helluva lot more love out there for families like ours than we ever knew.  And that’s the greatest Father’s Day gift of all.
 With that being said, I want to wish all the fathers in the world an early "Happy Father's Day!"

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Bumper Stickers


Brian's gotten a little sticker-happy on his bumper lately.  I'm not the biggest fan of bumper stickers, so I was a little hesitant to the idea of papering his car with propaganda.  But Brian was all for it, and after all, it is his car so I didn't voice any objection.  You see, the Utah Pride Festival hooked us up with a lot of free stuff including, but not limited to, bumper stickers.  In the parking lot of the Sheraton before heading home, Brian stuck each and every one onto his car.  There's one that says "Proud Democrat," another one for The Human Rights Campaign, Equality Utah and even one that says "Utah for Obama 2012."  It's probably the most liberal Toyota Corolla in all of Utah County.  Or as my friend Wes said, "That's the gayest car ever."

The stickers haven't gone unnoticed.  Yesterday we were driving back from a wedding reception in Lehi when Brian noticed something flapping on our windshield.

"What is that?" he asked.

There, tucked under one of the windshield wipers, was a handwritten note.

"I told you we'd get crap for those bumper stickers," I replied.

"What do you think it says," he asked me.  

"I don't know.  All I can see is the word equality.  Do you think it's positive or negative?"

My gut was telling me it was negative, but Brian was determined to read it.  We took the nearest exit and pulled over.  Brian got out of the car, picked up the note and looked at it.  His expression didn't change at all, so I still had no idea what to expect.  Upon returning to his seat he handed me the note.  It read:

Thank you for being brave enough to have that sticker.  We all deserve equality.

I smiled.  "So it's a good note!"

Brian smiled too.  "It's a good note."

Driving the rest of the way home, we tried to figure out who might have left it for us.  The note was written on the back of a receipt.  Whoever wrote it got gas at Top Stop in Centerville, Utah yesterday at 5:21 PM and paid with a Visa.  Centerville is an hour away from us, so even if the driver headed south to Orem directly after filling up, there was no way they got to our car before we left at 6:30 for the wedding reception.  That means it couldn't have been any of our neighbors or anybody who might have seen Brian's car parked at his work or at the mall where we had lunch.  It had to have been somebody at the wedding reception.  Considering it was an LDS wedding reception with the majority of the guests being conservative Mormons, I'm feeling really good about this note.

I'm also feeling really good about those bumper stickers, especially the equality one.  I guess Brian had the right idea about bumper stickers after all.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Action Louder Than Words


After making a donation at the Equality Utah booth at this year's Utah Pride Festival, we were given a t-shirt in appreciation and asked to pose for the cameras.  The photographer said, "Make it cute," and on the count of three, Brian turned and laid one on me!  Such a cute photo!  I love it!

For those who don't know, Equality Utah is an organization dedicated to the equal rights and protections of LGBT Utahns and their families.  In order to do this, Equality Utah drafts legislation and lobbies to get that legislation passed.  They focus on a variety of issues, such as hospital visitation rights, relationship recognition, HIV/AIDS, hate crimes and nondiscrimination ordinances.

Currently they are trying to pass a bill called SB51 which will make it illegal in the state of Utah to be fired or evicted based on sexual orientation.  Although various cities have passed such ordinances on the local level (such as Salt Lake City), there isn't a statewide law to protect LGBT citizens from discrimination everywhere.  Places like Orem or Provo, where Brian and I live and work, can fire or evict a homosexual person for no real reason at all.  Forty-three percent of lesbians, gays and bisexuals responded in a survey that they have experienced discrimination in housing and employment.  The percentage is even higher--67%--amongst the transgendered community.  Equality Utah has proposed statewide legislation to protect LGBT Utahns from discrimination in every legislative session since 2008.  Brian and I signed a petition while at the Utah Pride Festival, and hopefully this time around the bill will be passed.

Because I want action louder than words!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Utah Pride Festival: Sunday


Saturday night at the Utah Pride Festival was fun, so much fun in fact that we all woke up exhausted the next morning in an inexplicably destroyed hotel room.  One of us was missing a tooth, a baby was crying and there was a ferocious tiger in the bathroom that may or may not belong to Mike Tyson.  Or was that 2009's The Hangover?  Hard to tell.

Anyway, we dragged our sleepy butts out of bed, showered and dressed, and then began the ever-enjoyable activity of locating all our belongings and repacking.  Coaxing the tiger out was probably the hardest part, but we managed by using Brett's rainbow-colored boa as a lure.  Before checking out of our room we enjoyed breakfast at the 5th Street Grill of the Sheraton Hotel and then hopped on the hotel shuttle.  Other pleasant people joined us on our way to the parade route, and the building excitement for the event was palpable.

This feeling only increased as we stepped onto the sidewalks and found ourselves a nice, shady spot on 200 South to view the parade from.  There were thousands of people all around us from every walk of life.  People with rainbow mohawks or angel wings, shirtless gay couples, older couples in chairs, straight couples, and even families with strollers.  People of all ethnicities, economic statuses and sexual orientations joined together to support the LGBT community and I was very happy to be a part of it.

The day was sunny and the parade was awesome.  Brian and I went to the parade a few years ago on a gray, rainy day and I remember being disappointed with the parade.  This year, however, the atmosphere was jubilant and the parade seemed longer and more interesting.  The parade's Grand Marshall, screenwriter Dustin Lance Black (known for Milk and J. Edgar), led the parade full of church groups, gay rights organizations, various LGBT clubs and groups, local businesses and publications, and larger corporate sponsors.  A couple of floats featured live music or dancers, drag queens in all their glory and even a sneak peak of an upcoming performance of Chicago at the Egyptian Theater in Park City.

The first group to march in the parade, Mormons Building Bridges, was also the group to create the most media buzz.  Basically it's a group of Latter-day Saints who believe in showing love and support to the gay community and who do not take the Church's stance on homosexuality as individuals.  As a former Mormon myself, it meant a lot to me to see them marching in the parade on my behalf.  I was thankful I was wearing sunglasses, because I was moved to tears.  They had signs like "Love one another" or "I'll walk with you, I'll talk with you, that's how I'll show my love for you" from the LDS children's hymn.  And the gay community was grateful, as shown by the enthusiastic applause and cheers from the sidelines.

Here's a YouTube video somebody posted of the group in the parade:



After the parade, the four of us followed the crowd back to the festival grounds where we checked out all the various booths, signed some petitions, made some donations, ate some food, got lots of free swag, and even got a demonstration in how to use a condom.  Not a bad way to spend a sunny afternoon.  In fact, the whole thing wasn't a bad way to spend a weekend.  Walking back to the car, Brett and Wes talked about how great it was to see all the support and love.  They mentioned that it was nice to feel like they were part of a community where they could truly be themselves.  Where they could be unashamed.  Where they could be proud.

I'd like to thank the Utah Pride Center for sponsoring the festival and for all they do to change hearts and lives for the better.

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