THANKFUL: Day 25

I'm thankful for good things that come in the mail!  Usually it's just bills and credit card offers, but today we got this awesome Save-The-Date from our friends Emily and Jessie who are getting married next spring.  We couldn't be happier for them.  We're also going to be what they call "bridesmen" so we're pretty pumped about that as well.  I'm thankful for love in the 21st Century.  I'm thankful for the rise of marriage equality throughout our nation.  I'm thankful for hot babes lying on the beach!  Hubba hubba!

THANKFUL: Day 9

I'm thankful for weddings.  My friend Krystal got married today to a wonderful man named Treven--a man I hope will take good care of her.  They've both been married before and they both have children, so this is a merging of two families.  I'm thankful for second chances in life.  I'm thankful for fresh starts.  And I'm thankful to share an anniversary with these two.  One year ago today Brian and I were married in New York City.  It was a wonderful experience and we couldn't be happier.  Our first year together has had its share of trials, but it has had more good days than bad.  I'm really thankful for the good days.  I'm thankful that laws are changing in this country to allow for my marriage.  I'm thankful for progress.  I'm thankful for love.

Instant Coffee and the Word "Husband"

I'm sure you all know that I hate the first day of school, mostly because professors feel the need to put us on the spot and share "fun facts" about our lives with random strangers in the hopes that we will all be immediate friends.  Immediate, like instant coffee.  Unfortunately nobody likes instant coffee any more than they like silly get-to-know-you activities.

It was during such an activity that something interesting happened.  Interesting to me at least.  You see, we were paired off and given five minutes to "interview" one another and find out all the cool and fascinating things about our partner so that we might introduce them to the group.  Each pair also had to repeat the names of the people before them and on and on until everybody knew everybody's name.

My assigned partner was named Jaclyn (Jack and Jaclyn, that is interesting, right?  Yes, but that's not it) and she loved Mario video games.  She owned every Mario game on every gaming console.  Her laptop cover had Mario's face on it.  I mean, the girl really loved Mario.  She also loved movies and was minoring in film with a major in writing.  She had spent all summer doing free-lance writing on the internet... in between fierce rounds of Mario Kart that is.  We had a great little conversation and when it was time to introduce her, I felt like I had plenty to go off of.

As far as my half of the conversation went, I talked about the Chihuahua Comics I drew all summer, how I used to work at a movie theater and saw free movies (this was while she was gushing over her love of film) and how my husband and I were married last fall in New York City!  When I mentioned the last part, she was very quick to say, "Oh, that's okay with me" as if I somehow needed her validation.  Straight people do that a lot around here when I mention I'm gay.  "Oh, that's cool."  "Hey, it's a free country."  "I won't judge."  I sometimes have the urge to say those same sorts of phrases when they talk about their heterosexuality.  Can you just picture it?

Sweet Mormon girl:  My boyfriend and I are getting married in the Provo Temple.

Me:  Oh... you're with a boy?  Hey, love is love, I guess.  Your lifestyle choice is fine by me.

Sweet Mormon girl:  Huh?

Anyway.  I'm getting off topic here.  The interesting part came when it was her turn to introduce me.  "So... this is Jack.  He used to work at a movie theater.  We both love movies.  And now he's bummed because he doesn't get free movies anymore."  Yep, that's it.  I was introduced as a guy who used to work at a movie theater.  The professor asked her if there was anything else she could remember about me.  She turned bright red and quietly said, "Oh, and he's married."

The class moved on to the next pair and I was left with this mysterious feeling of déjà vu.  When Brian first told me about the situation, I didn't think much of it.  But now that it's happened to both of us, I can't help but ponder over what this sort of omission might mean.  Both of these students seemed perfectly fine with the idea of us getting married and being in a homosexual relationship, but for some reason they each decided that it wasn't something they should share with the class.  Is it to protect us?  Do they fear that perhaps others might not be as cool with gay marriage as they are?  Are they sparing us from the torch-wielding mob that will inevitably rise up against us if our marital status should be revealed?  Maybe that's it.  In their minds they are guardians of the gays.

Or is it that perhaps they are less comfortable with our relationship than they say they are?  I mean, they do rush into the "It's okay with me" line perhaps a little too emphatically.  Maybe there's still doubt in their mind.  Maybe for some reason they're embarrassed about it, and when it comes time to "out" us, they can't seem to do it.  They can't bear to acknowledge this fact to the group at large.

Maybe.  Or maybe I'm over-analyzing this and it doesn't mean anything at all.  I mean, Jaclyn also left out the part about my comics.  Maybe she just forgot most of what I said.  Maybe her look of embarrassment when she said, "Oh, and he's married," was at her own bad memory.  Or maybe my gayness isn't noteworthy.  Maybe we're at a point in society where saying I'm married is good enough.  It isn't necessary to specify that I'm married to a man.  Maybe I'm putting too much stock into my gay identity.  I don't walk around saying, "Hi, I'm gay," so why should I want Jaclyn to say, "Hi, he's gay" for me?

But that's not what I wanted her to say, is it?  I just wanted her to say, "Jack and his husband were married in New York City."  It's a fun fact.  Not everybody at UVU gets married in New York City.  And my homosexuality is implied--not directly stated--by the word "husband."

Maybe that's what's really bugging me.  The fact that she couldn't say the word "husband."  Like she didn't feel Brian was deserving of the term only straight couples should have.  Which brings me to another case in point.  The other night I had a big birthday party at our apartment and it got too loud.  Some neighbor made a complaint and a police officer arrived at our door.  Brian went to speak with him in the hallway.  He just told us to be quiet.  No harm, no foul.  "Is it somebody's birthday?" he asked.  "Actually, yes," said Brian.  "It's my husband's."  "Well," said the officer, being as nice as possible, "wish your boyfriend... er, fiance... um, partner a 'happy birthday' for me!"

It was very sweet of the officer to wish me a happy birthday instead of slamming us with some sort of citation, but why was it so difficult for him to say the word "husband"?  I mean, I understand he's probably not very familiar with gay couples, but Brian gave him the correct word to use.  He just didn't feel comfortable using it.  And that's what I think happened with my classmate Jaclyn.  Even though I told her all the things to say, she just couldn't bring herself to say them.

As much as Brian and I strive to be as "normal" as possible, we are still perceived as something totally weird and foreign.  What's totally clear in our minds, completely baffles others.  I'm not writing any of this to condemn anybody or anything like that.  Jaclyn and the police officer are both good people.  I just find it interesting.  Interesting and, like instant coffee, a little bit disappointing.

February?

I'm not sure if any of you are aware, but it is March now.  Yeah, March.  I'm not sure what exactly happened to February.  Maybe March ate it up like chocolates in a heart-shaped box.  Gobbled it down so quickly that it didn't even notice whether it was coconut-filled, caramel or raspberry-creme.  Just gone, like that, in a flash.

Well, over President's Day weekend Brian and I flew to Colorado to watch my little brother get married.  It's pretty crazy, but in a 6-month time frame my entire family got married.  My sister in August, me in November and Daniel in February.  All of us 3 months apart, can you believe it?

Of course, how could any of you know that considering I haven't blogged about it!  I'm so sorry.  The trip was great.  I enjoyed spending time with my family, especially my adorable baby niece!  My dad and I had some good talks over coffee, my mom took us out to dinner and my brother's wedding was simple and small, but very sweet.

The rest of the month was a blur of work and school and friends.  Some of us went out to a really fun piano bar in Salt Lake City called Keys on Main and had an absolute blast.  Our friends even paid to have the pianists play "It's Raining Men" and somehow coerced us to get up on stage and dance.  Well, either they coerced us or the cocktails did.  Probably the latter.  Then our month capped off with Oscar Sunday, which is by far the biggest and most celebrated gay holiday of them all.  We had a great time watching the ceremony with Brian's family followed by hot tubbing with friends.

So while February came and went in just one bite, it left me pretty full and satisfied.  Now we're almost a week into March... yikes.

Valentine's Day: For Lovers and Friends

I know this post is coming a little late, but Valentine's Day is an awesome holiday. I mean, it's no Christmas or anything, but it's still pretty fun. And I know all the single people out there like to call it S.A.D. (Single Awareness Day) and spend a lot of time crying about it, but even without a boyfriend or wife or whatever it is you're looking for you can find people to love. You just might have to broaden the definition of love.

For example, I love my little niece Amaya so I made sure to send her something for V-Day. And my mom loves me so she sent me a card with a gift card to Coldstone. I got a valentine from a coworker. A random classmate gave me a sucker.

Then there are my friends, who I love almost as much as I love Brian. Almost. We decided to celebrate Friend Valentine's Day on the 13th, and it was a huge success. We made each other valentines and bought each other gifts. And we spent the night together bowling and playing Taboo. It was a lot of fun and I think more people should do something like that. The world needs more love and less cynicism in my opinion.

Then there was actual Valentine's Day on the 14th. After class, Brian and I went to dinner at California Pizza Kitchen, where we had pasta and drinks, and then it was home for games and a movie and... well... other stuff.

To wrap up my little post, I just want to say that I love my husband. I love our life together and I love the way he makes me feel. I also love my friends and my family and everything that makes me happy. Life is good.

And if you're ever feeling depressed and lonely on Valentine's Day, remember that Saint Valentine was violently martyred on February 14th so things really aren't that bad for ya now are they?

A Conversation in Hearts

Or:  How a Guy Can Eventually Wear Down a Girl

—Let’s talk.

—What now?

—U-R Hot.

—Wow...

—Red hot.

—Oh boy.

—It’s true.  Crazy 4 U.

—I’m sure.

—Hug me.

—I’ll wait.

—U + me, babe.  Kiss kiss.

—Time out.

—One kiss?

—Next time.

—Why wait, foxy lady?  Now.  Now!

—Save me!

—Say yes...

—Why not?

Wedding Photos: Friends

From the rest of our friends in attendance (at least those willing to jot something down!):

"Congrats on this new chapter!  I am so excited for you and hope the next years are the best.  Love you!" -Kayla

"I'm so happy everything worked out in the end in NY.  I wish you all the best moving forward." -Ryan

"Felicidades!  Les deseo lo mejor del mundo.  Espero que cada dia tienen exito.  Les quiero mas que un completo de vienesas!  Que Dios les bendiga amigos." -Gabriel

"Congratulations!  I'm so glad everything worked out.  You two are so cute together.  I wish you the best!  And many, many happy years!" -Caitlin

"Congrats!  We are so happy for you!  Good luck with everything!" -Tyler and Vicki

"I love the both of you and am glad to have amazing friends like you guys!" -Mesun

"Best wishes to you!  I'm glad I got to come, everything looked wonderful!" -Rebecca and Joseph

"... I think that you are GREAT and I can't wait to get to know you better.  I'm so happy for you.  Congratulations!" -Hannah

"I'm so happy for you two... and excited for your future together.  Love ya!" -Andrew

"Best wishes for a happy life together!" -Martha

"What you've done here, what you've achieved together, is wonderfully inspiring." -Jonathan

"You guys are gonna have a beautiful life together." -Jake

"I love you guys and am so glad to have gotten to know you better." -Karrie

"Woo Hoo!  I am so happy for the 2 of you!  You are such a good example of selfless and sincere love: I hope to be like the both of you!" -Annette

"I love you guys so much!  I am happy for you and am grateful to be a part of your lives.  You can make it through any challenges with love, trust and respect." -Krystal

"Hey Jack and Brian.  Best of luck to you two.  You make a great couple." -Stan and Ryan

"We hope you both enjoy this time as newlyweds and will continue to grow with one another.  Congrats!" -Andy and Amberly

"Leave it to you guys to have a fancy cake.  Renae and I just saw it and thought you were all fancy.  Oh, and I just burned my hair in your candle as I was writing this.  Sorry, now it stinks.  You guys both look amazing tonight and I love your hair [Brian's]..." -Candace

"You guys look so great!  I am so glad we're friends... Oh, congratulations (the decidedly most important part of my sentiments)!" -Renae

Wedding Photos: Family

From family in attendance:

"Congrats, Jack and Brian!  We love you." -Renee, Jaylon and Amaya

"Welcome to a new happy life!" -Janice and Chris

"I hope you'll always find happiness together.  You've both been so great for each other.  I'm excited to see you 'officially' begin your lives together..." -Jenny

"We wish you guys the very best!" -Clark and Shanna

"Best wishes for a happily ever after!" -Greg, DawSuwan, Lauryn and Mike

"You know I love you!  And... I'm jealous you guys got to see Once.  Next time you go, take me with you.  Please?? ... And Jack, I'm so glad that you are now part of our family officially!  Congrats!" -Amy

"Love you guys!" -Liz and Wyatt

"We love you both very much." -Deborah

"Happy wedding reception!  I hope you guys could stop stressing about everything in life and having to make sure everything was perfect for a few minutes and just enjoy this marvelous union you've made together!  You guys are the best brothers I could ever ask for!" -Courtney

"Congrats!  And Best Wishes!" -Bruce and Connie

"We love you guys!  Wishing you peace and happiness." -Suz and Ryker

"Congratulations to you two!  You are such a great example of gay men, it's amazing!  To many happy memories before, and many yet to come!" -Brett

"...we care about you guys and wish you the BEST." -Kevin and Diane

"Welcome to the wonderful world of marriage!" -Daniel and Kait

"Dear Sons,
Blessings of love, Blessings of grace, Blessings of joy, Blessings of peace, Blessings of strength, Blessings of hope, Blessings of patience, Blessings of a bright future." - Dad and Patricia

Wedding Photos: Party

From our friends in attendance who weren't afraid to shake their money makers:

"I love you guys so much!  I'm glad that you two were finally able to get married." -Dyann

"Umm... yeah pretend I said lots of nice, heartwarming stuff.  I'm not much for words." -John

"Congrats!  I love you two!  And wish a happy life for you both!" -Riley

"You guys are so brave for going out on a limb like you did!  I'm so happy you went to NYC to show your love for each other.  Just remember to love each other over everything else and don't forget that life's about the little things." -Kevin

"Love you!  I'll miss you guys but I hope to see you more before I leave." -Brandon

"May your love be everlasting.  Too cheesy?  No?  Okay.  I wish you happiness all your days, much laughter, and many smiles." -Katie

"I am happy that in my lifetime I got the pleasure of seeing two lovely human beings fully commit to each other.  Thanks for paving the way for gays both here in Utah and the country at large." -Dean (Lamar) and Adam

"Congratulations!  Now keep it together and make the rest of us look stable!" - Curt

"I love you!  But you guys know that.  I would love to write something clever, but I'm not.  So let me know when you guys want that baby!" -Mineh

"Congratulations on your marriage!  I'm so happy for you and I know you'll have a lot of great years together!" -Dani

Wedding Photos: Cake

From some of those involved in putting everything together:
 
"I am so happy for you!  Thanks for letting me be a part of your special day!  I love you both very much.  Take care of each other.  I wish you nothing but happiness!" -Michelle, unofficial wedding planner

"I'm glad I've been able to meet you both and be your friend.  You guys are amazing!  May many happy years follow.  I love you guys." -Wes, guy who did the grunt work

"Congratulations.  I'm so excited for you guys.  I feel so lucky to know both of you." -Jocelyn, wedding cake baker and caterer

Wedding Photos: First Dance

My Precious Child
-Katherine Kesler

There he is, my sweet little gift from God.
A towheaded little boy with talents galore,
How could a mother ask for anything more?
But along with the joy there was heartache to be found.
Confusion, heartbreak, unfairness abound,
Seeking for guidance on both sides was great,
But love everlasting held open that gate.
This was not the vision either of us had planned,
But reality stepped in holding our hands.
God loves unconditionally and so we must too,
But with a child so fantastic that is not that hard to do!
How could I ever have dreamed ten years ago,
A man named Jack would walk through the door,
To help us accept this next phase more.
They have been judged- we have been judged,
But I have given it over to God,
For he has the wisdom to know what we should do,
And so... "As I have loved you, love one another.
This new commandment, love one another.
By this shall men know, ye are my disciples,
If ye have love one to another."

Ask Joaquin: Who Proposed to Whom?

From Amberly:  Who proposed to whom?

That's a fantastic question.  Not too long ago we invited our friend Hannah and her boyfriend Andrew over to carve jack-o-lanterns and enjoy homemade pumpkin pie and apple cider.  It was an enjoyable evening, and being fairly new in our friendship there was a lot to talk about.  At one point we started to discuss how Brian and I got engaged... and funnily enough, the two of us got into a little argument over it.  His version didn't match mine!

Here's how I tell it.  One day in August 2009 I came home from work to find a dressed-up Brian and a table laid out with a scrumptious meal.  It was a random weeknight so I was a little surprised.  Then while we were eating, he got down on one knee and pulled out a box with a ring in it and proposed, saying something ridiculously sweet and romantic.  I, of course, smiled from ear to ear and said a most emphatic "YES!"  Brian says he had wanted to propose on my birthday (the 20th), but as soon as the ring came from online he just couldn't wait any longer!  He had to propose ASAP!

A few months later, November 2, we were celebrating our first anniversary in Park City, Utah.  We were in the hotel room when Brian asked for his anniversary gift.  I got on one knee and returned his proposal with a matching ring.  (The site he had used was still in our browser history, so finding the same ring was surprisingly easy.)  Unfortunately the ring I had gotten him was way too big and I had to send it back and get him a replacement.  I'm not sure how I was so off with the size.  I had printed out a paper ring sizer and while he was sleeping I measured his finger.  I realize now how creepy that sounds.

So to sum up, Brian proposed to me and then I proposed to him.

But here's where Brian swoops in to correct me.  That wasn't when he first proposed, even though that's what I consider to be the "official" proposal.  That's the story I usually tell people.  But in reality, Brian asked me to marry him much sooner than that.  And when I say "much sooner" I mean like Mormon-dating fast.  He unofficially asked me to marry him like a week or two into our relationship.  Kinda embarrassing, so you can see why I would choose to tell the version where we had been dating for almost a year.  I believe we were in his car and he just asked me if I would marry him.  And I said yes.  He talked about how it would have been cool to take me on a carriage ride in Salt Lake City to propose (which they have around Christmastime), but again, his anxiousness to ask me interfered with grander romantic plans.

So really, Brian and I have wanted to get married pretty much from the get-go.  Four years later, we're finally going to make that happen.

Four-Year Anniversary and Change of Wedding Plans

Today, November 2, 2012, is our four-year anniversary (which means traditionally I should receive flowers, or silk/linen depending on which website I choose to trust) and it was also the day Brian and I were supposed to get married in New York City.  Well, Superstorm Sandy came in with all her wrath and flooded the east coast, putting a damper on our wedding plans.  "Damnit, Sandy!" said our friend LoriAnn, echoing the sentiments of pretty much everyone we know.  "Do NOT name your first kid Sandy," quipped my friend Mary.  Don't worry.  We won't.

So now our wedding will be postponed a week, with the new wedding date of November 9th which I don't like nearly as much.  "Sorry your gift will make less sense now..." said my friend Rebecca, who engraved Jack and Brian November 2, 2012 onto a beautiful frame for us.  "It's still the anniversary of our first date," I said, trying my best to console her.  "It will still have meaning to me."  And it's true.  Even if the 9th will be the day we officially become a married couple, November 2nd will still be our anniversary in my heart.  Always and forever.

In a way, we were prepared for this.  Originally I had wanted our reception to be on the 9th, right after our return from NYC.  But that date was already booked at the venue we wanted, so we pushed the reception back to the 16th.  If we hadn't done that, we wouldn't have had the extra week in between to reschedule our wedding.  We might have had to get married after the reception, which would have been a little weird, but luckily it will all work out (barring the possibility of another freak disaster, of course).  We were also lucky that both of our employers are supporting us in this endeavor and are willing to redo the work schedules to accommodate the change of plans.

"That's the fun part of getting married," said my friend James in a text.  "Everything will go wrong until you get there!"

Happy Halloween

25 Reasons We LOVE Brian!

1.  “Brian’s very enthusiastic and passionate about things he loves.  He refuses to go through life complacent.”—Wes King

2.  “My favorite thing about Brian is his kindness.  He’s always welcomed me into his home and made me feel comfortable.  He never makes me feel stupid even when I disagree with him or am not very knowledgeable on a subject.  And he shares his amazing cooking with me!  He’s just a nice guy!  My second favorite thing is this incredible potato dish he makes!  It’s so yummy!  Like a foodgasm!”—Michelle Stokes

 

3.  “Brian makes me wish I liked politics.  Oh!  And he’s the shit!”—Mineh Palacios

4.  “He’s passionate.”—Jenny Kesler

5.  “Brian has this unparalleled ability to express very fairly and evenly his opinion but without watering it down—he is honest and straightforward and always worthy of respect.  Also he has a great sense of humor.”—Hannah Wheelwright

6.  “His food is scrumdiliumcious and I love all his interesting movie facts!”—Courtney Kesler

7.  “Brian is the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.”—Emily Mattson

8.  “I think Brian has the nicest sexy man bum out there.”—Nichole Christensen

9.  “Brian is one of the most thoughtful people I have ever met.  I met and talked to him for a brief time at a meeting once, and from then on he has been a huge help to me—even though he hardly knows me!  He is supportive and funny and clever and oh so classy!  I'm grateful to know him!”—Annette Harris

10.  “I think Brian is an outstanding gentleman.  I don’t think he realizes it, but he is a near daily influence on my life.  He is a great example of what it means to be a mature, thoughtful and genuine man.”—Brett Kesler

11.  “When I think of the two most important decisions I’ve made, coming out and going to Europe, I realize Brian was influential in helping me do both.  I look up to him as a musician, intellectual, and a human being.  I hope the utmost happiness for him in his life.”—Patrick Barrus

12.  “Brian is a caring and giving man.  I have always felt welcomed by and warmth from him.  I am happy to know him!”—Krystal Olsen

13.  “He’s pretty, with a cute laugh!  Plus I like how he’s not afraid to express his opinions.”—Renee Garcia

14.  “To Brian—the guy who introduced Jack to politics and good cooking!”—Jack Garcia (my father)

15.  “Brian is one of the most passionate people I've ever met! He really stands up for what he believes in, from music, theater and cinema to politics.”—Rebecca Hackett Lisor

16.  “Brian is the most honest person I know, and I value that most.”—Brandon James

17.  “Brian has a passion for life and movies—and anything he's interested in, for that matter—that is inspiring.  My best memories of him were sitting in the attic of his parents’ house and learning how to defeat Ganondorf and navigate safely through all the temples of Zelda.  I still think of him when I play through Ocarina of Time.”—Freddy Kesler

18.  “Brain has been an awesome friend for me all of my life.  Brian has always been very creative.  I think it was fourth grade when we would walk around the playground after every lunch for probably several weeks in a row and discus our great ideas for movies.  We had come up with a very sad story about a poor orphan puppy with 3 legs and a bitten-off ear.  We wanted to send it into Disney, sure that they would make a movie of it for us because it was just SO wonderful. Another great quality about Brian is that he is very honest and well informed to this day and that is something that I admire very much about him.  I feel so blessed to still be his friend.”—Candace Bonsteel

19.  “Dear Brian, Thanks to me you’re a better person.”—Nick Frandsen

20.  “He’s a classy guy.  And interesting.  I like that we’re both into old school things like old Hollywood-type stuff.  I haven’t met anyone like that so I would say he’s an old soul.”—Ana Frutos

21.  “Brian is my favorite brother.  I’ve always looked up to him and wanted to be just like him.  I remember when I was in junior high I would go see him in shows and that was the only reason I ever wanted to do shows—because he did!  Oh, and he is just like amazing at everything he does.”—Amy Kesler

22.  “Brian’s cooking puts Julia Child to shame, he has a wit sharper than a razor and has a heart bigger than the sky!  How could you not love this wonderful guy?”—Kelsey Roberts

23.  “He is a great cook and is extremely funny when he makes fun of movies.”—Daniel Garcia

24.  “He’s kind.  Always has been to me.  For that I am eternally grateful.”—Rafael Butron

25.  “When I first met Brian we just instantly clicked.  As cheesy as it sounds, I knew that he was the one for me and I decided then and there to do everything in my power to keep him!  I love him so much.  He’s adorable, funny, intelligent, creative, helpful and an all-around good guy who makes me happy.  I honestly don’t know what I would ever do without him.  Just shrivel up and die somewhere I guess…”—Jack Garcia (me, the future husband)