Sunday, April 7, 2013

Stage Fright

Sydney came over after all and we had a great time.  She shot some footage of Brian and I in the kitchen (Brian gave me the simple task of washing vegetables) and then we sat on the couch and she asked us a few questions.  Brian did most of the talking of course.  I just nodded a lot and acted uncomfortable.  Stupid camera.  And when I did speak, I sounded like a rambling fool.  Luckily the project she's working on is only a minute and a half, because I'm not quite ready for my Barbara Walters interview.

She ended up staying a little longer than planned, saying goodbye several times before inevitably settling back in again.  Good conversation has that effect on people.  We talked about movie musicals and politics and religion... but mostly musicals.  We're agreed that Russell Crowe disappointed in Les Mis, we're excited for Anna Kendrick to be in The Last Five Years and on some level we all miss the theater.  I don't miss it as much as those two do, but I do sometimes miss it.

It's funny how as a child and teenager I was once able to sing and act onstage in front of people.  Nowadays, I get panic attacks from being called on to answer a question in class.  I shake like a leaf when giving a class presentation.  And I was sweating bullets as soon as Sydney set up her tripod and focused that camera on us.  Thursday I'll have to give a presentation in front of an estimated 80 or so people including the president of Utah Valley University and I am terrified.  Terrified.  I wonder whatever happened to the confident boy who used to perform.  I wonder if he's gone for good, or if he'll ever come back again.

1 comment:

Mishqueen said...

I have the same pattern...well, not to that extent. I've never been able to get up onstage. BUT as a teen and young adult, I loved crowds, noise, people and touching. Now, I prefer a dim corner and less people. Giving a talk in church is enough to make me pee my pants. I was RS teacher for FOUR years and I never did stop sweating bullets and the wavery voice. Grr...let me know if you find anything that helps. I'll share. :)


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