To Borrow

A "painting" of our new abode, using the Waterlogue app.  Isn't it pretty?

To Borrow

Houses are rentable, yes,

and cars are too, I hear,

although I’ve never rented one.

My own car is so run-down 

it's just sad.  What’s sadder

is I bought it that way,

with a seatbelt that goes across

my lap and a separate one

for my upper body.  I joke

I’m buckling up to blast off

into space where the house

I’m renting looks like the ones

you play Monopoly with,

only mine’s blue not red.

It’s also run-down, the house,

but in a beautiful kind of way—

the way a mother looks

in line at the supermarket

with a cartful of diapers

and Hamburger Helper,

one hand lovingly laced

around the fudgy fingers

of a messy child,

clutching clipped coupons

in the other hand as if one

might be Wonka’s golden

ticket promising to whisk

her away in The Great

Glass Elevator up to a place

where cars never break,

roofs never leak

and run-down isn’t even
a possibility.

The Blue House on the Corner

This, dear readers, will be our new home for the next phase of our lives.  (Photos taken from the KSL house listing.)

My strategy the last few days has been to stall.  While Brett was awaiting the word on whether he'd be Washington-bound or not, I didn't want the renting company to get worried that the four of us might not be as stable as we told them.  I also didn't want to lose the place to other renters, so I stalled with questions.

"Yes, we're still very interested, but what about this... or what about that...?"

The leasing agent originally offered us the place at a higher rent, so I tried my very best to negotiate.  Today she left me a voicemail while I was in class saying that the owners approved my final attempt at compromise: higher rent through the summer, back to the original in August if we prove to be good renters.  Perfect!  But I needed to stall again.

"Yes, we'd love to sign the lease, but I don't think the four of us can get together until the weekend..."

But less than an hour later, I got a text from Brett letting me know that he didn't get the Washington job and I immediately called the leasing agent up again and said, "Yes, we want it!  When can we sign?"

No more stalling.  No more waiting. The blue house on the corner is ours.  We sign the lease tomorrow and move in on the first!

Waiting...

My coworkers and I signed the wall of our Zales store on its last night.  It's being turned into a T-Mobile.
The final snapchat of our apartment before we turned in our keys.

"Crap, I forgot to bring Waiting... for you.  I'll bring it tomorrow."

My friend and coworker Krystal has been saying that to me a couple times a month ever since Brian started working at Mimi's Cafe.  Now that he's a server, she thinks he'll really appreciate the 2005 comedy starring Ryan Reynolds, Anna Faris and Justin Long.  It's about waiters if you haven't figured it out.  And yes, the ellipses is really part of the movie title.  Look it up on IMDb if you don't believe me.

I just laughed and told her we couldn't be friends anymore.  Waiting for Waiting... is the last straw of our friendship.  That's it.  I'm done.  I've waited too long.

And that's how I feel with life right now.  Tired of waiting.

Since I haven't blogged in over three months (I just now realized that all six of you in Cyberland who read this have been waiting anxiously for my next post... I'm so sorry!  And if you didn't even notice my absence, just humor me), you probably don't know that lots has changed in the lives of Jack and Brian.  Where to begin?  Let's see.  Christmas was fine and dandy, New Year's was great, and then BAM!  "We're sorry to inform you that the Provo location is closing in two weeks.  You can interview for a transfer to the Orem Zales."

Yep.  My Zales location shut down at the end of January.  Thankfully, I was able to keep my job.  And I really am very grateful.  The only real downside is that the Orem location is already fully staffed, so they only had room for me and the other Provo workers to come in part-time.  My hours got cut from 40 hours to a mere 25.  That's a big deal.  So with me not making as much money and Macaron hitting a slow patch in terms of sales, Brian and I are broke!  Which leads me to the next big change for us...

We're now back to living with the in-laws.  Brian and his mom got to talking and decided that the apartment we lived in was too pricey (they even wanted to raise the rent again this year) and it would be a good idea to move back home for a bit to save up some money and look for a cheaper place.  In order to help make our living situation as cheap as possible, Brian and I have decided to get roommates.  I know what you're thinking, "A married couple with roommates?  That's lame."  And you're right, it kinda is.  But so is being 27 years old and living at home.  Brian and I are learning to embrace our lameness.

I bet you're waiting to get to the part about us waiting, right?  So here's the deal.  Brian and I looked at a house for rent near downtown Provo that we absolutely love.  It's an old home built in 1910, has tons of charm, tons of space, is walking distance from great restaurants and shops, and is generally just the bee's knees.  Brian's cousin Brett and our friend Aaron will be living with us and between the four of us, the place is very affordable (for us, almost $300 less a month than we used to pay).  We've filled out the application and now we are just waiting to hear back from them.  We filled it out Friday morning and I've literally been a nervous wreck ever since.  I cannot stop thinking about this house.  I just want to live in it!  PLEASE?

To add to the waiting, I had an interview with American Eagle on Friday afternoon for an assistant manager position.  It would be full-time hours and a pay raise, plus an opportunity to move upward in retail (an opportunity that Zales sadly doesn't seem to provide; always bringing in management from the outside).  My interview seemed to go really well and afterwards my friend Kylee, who is the other assistant manager there, told me that her boss loved me.  He said I was the "smartest applicant yet."  So now I'm waiting to hear back from that as well.

So here I am.  Waiting.  The weekend seems to drag on and I just hope come Monday or Tuesday I will know about the house and know about the job.  Please, if you're reading this, cross your fingers for me!

Four-Year Anniversary and Change of Wedding Plans

Today, November 2, 2012, is our four-year anniversary (which means traditionally I should receive flowers, or silk/linen depending on which website I choose to trust) and it was also the day Brian and I were supposed to get married in New York City.  Well, Superstorm Sandy came in with all her wrath and flooded the east coast, putting a damper on our wedding plans.  "Damnit, Sandy!" said our friend LoriAnn, echoing the sentiments of pretty much everyone we know.  "Do NOT name your first kid Sandy," quipped my friend Mary.  Don't worry.  We won't.

So now our wedding will be postponed a week, with the new wedding date of November 9th which I don't like nearly as much.  "Sorry your gift will make less sense now..." said my friend Rebecca, who engraved Jack and Brian November 2, 2012 onto a beautiful frame for us.  "It's still the anniversary of our first date," I said, trying my best to console her.  "It will still have meaning to me."  And it's true.  Even if the 9th will be the day we officially become a married couple, November 2nd will still be our anniversary in my heart.  Always and forever.

In a way, we were prepared for this.  Originally I had wanted our reception to be on the 9th, right after our return from NYC.  But that date was already booked at the venue we wanted, so we pushed the reception back to the 16th.  If we hadn't done that, we wouldn't have had the extra week in between to reschedule our wedding.  We might have had to get married after the reception, which would have been a little weird, but luckily it will all work out (barring the possibility of another freak disaster, of course).  We were also lucky that both of our employers are supporting us in this endeavor and are willing to redo the work schedules to accommodate the change of plans.

"That's the fun part of getting married," said my friend James in a text.  "Everything will go wrong until you get there!"

The Bride of Frankenstorm

To celebrate Brian's birthday, we had dinner with Nichole and Emily at Tucanos Brazilian Grill.  It was a nice night out.  The food was of course delicious and left me feeling so stuffed that I swore never to eat again.  That's pretty typical of the place.  I eat so much meat that I start to consider vegetarianism... and if you know me, you know that ain't ever gonna happen.  But still the thought creeps in there and just settles unpleasantly on my stomach until all the buttons on my shirt pop off.

Anyway, feeling like a Brazilian heifer we said goodbye to the ladies and met up with Michelle and Wes at the movie theater for a special screening of Halloween (1978).  Although I've seen the movie multiple times (and somewhat recently), it was the first time seeing it on the big screen.  Pretty fun.  The day before a bunch of us went to see Frankenstein (1931) and The Bride of Frankenstein (1935) which were being presented as a double-feature in theaters for one night only.  I had never seen either movie before and I really enjoyed them.  Boris Karloff is legendary for his portrayal of Frankenstein's monster and I was pretty impressed with the special effects of the 30s.  They weren't really that scary to me, as a modern viewer, but they were sure entertaining.  And although sequels usually suck, I'd have to say the second one was my favorite... even if the "Bride" only shows up at the end!

But do you want to know something that really does scare me?  More than monster movies or overeating?  The thought that I might not make it to New York City to get married!  Right now a terrible storm is brewing on the east coast and it's supposed to strike New York City before Halloween.  It's a combination of Hurricane Sandy which is heading north from Haiti and Cuba and some smaller winter storms coming from the west and down south from Canada.  Weather forecasters are calling this combination "Frankenstorm" and it's supposed to bring high winds, heavy rain and extreme tides.  As of right now, JetBlue is cancelling flights for Monday the 29th and Tuesday the 30th.  We're supposed to fly out on Halloween, late at night, and we just hope to God that weather permits!  Because if we can't make it out to New York City to get hitched, I'm going to turn into something far scarier than the Bride of Frankenstein!

September Happenings

Brian and I have been busy lately.  I'm still working five days a week at Zales, including weekends, and my only days off are Tuesday and Thursday when I attend my three classes at Utah Valley University.  Brian has had an extremely heavy workload the last few weeks at Culinary Crafts, going in really early and working 12-hour shifts.  On top of that he's taking four classes at UVU (two on campus and two online) and barely finds time to do the coursework.  Heck, we barely have time to give each other a goodbye kiss before we part ways!

But here are some things we have managed to do this month that weren't school/work-related:

• We attended a doggy birthday party!  Brian's sister Jenny's dog Lou celebrated his birthday on the first.  Since Brian's a pastry chef, we thought some pastry-shaped rawhide treats would be a good gift for the canine.
• That same night we drove up to Layton to celebrate my (human) cousin Tanissa's birthday.  It was at the Fahrenheit Lounge and it was fun... even if we had to skive off early to drive all the way home.
• Brian wanted to try out a duck recipe so he invited Stephen and Lexi over as guinea pigs.  The food was delicious and the conversation was great.  We even had Shirley Temples!
• My coworker Tara invited us out to party at The Madison in downtown Provo the following weekend and we had a blast!  I got to see one of my old coworkers, Riley, and then Brian and I ran into our friends Karrie and Ana on the dance floor!  It was great to see them!
• I officially became a Utahn this month!  Woohoo!  Or should I say "boohoo"?  I'm not sure if I'm happy about that or not...  Anyway, my Colorado driver's license finally expired on me so I got myself a Utah one.  My buddy Wes was kind enough to accompany me to the DMV and we had so much fun we just decided to hang out all day.  Brett came over later and we played Wii Super Mario and ordered pizza.  Oh, I should also mention I look dead sexy in my driver's license photo, but no surprise there.
• Glee started this week, which you know I love, and I've also become hooked on The New Normal.  Such a great new show!
• As far as wedding planning goes, Brian and I have purchased the plane tickets to New York City and reserved the hotel room.  We've also set the date for our reception (November 16), booked the venue (Rock Canyon Room), hired a band (Van Lady Love), registered for gifts and ordered the invitations.  Brian's mom and I even went on a little shopping excursion for decorations.  Things are progressing smoothly!
• My dad turned 50 this month!  He's so old!
• My friends Curt and Lamar invited me to their monthly Gay Poker Night.  I've got the gay part down but boy do I suck at poker.  I had a couple of good hands, but ultimately I went down in flames... no pun intended.
• Brian's sister Courtney turned 17 on the 27th and we celebrated with a family dinner at the Kesler house.  Then my little sister Renee turned 19 the next day, but unfortunately she lives too far away to visit.
• My friend Michelle (and yes, we're friends again) had her birthday the day after that and Wes and I went to her birthday dinner at Red Robin and then the midnight showing of Looper, which was pretty dang cool!
• The birthdays continued with our friend Nichole who threw a shindig at her new home in Lehi (which she shares with her girlfriend Emily) and Brian, Mineh and I drove up together to celebrate.  We played some new games, met some new people and had so much fun we ended up staying the night.  Slumber party!

So that was the month of September.  Let's see what October has in store!

Stadium of Fire

Last night Brian and I went to Stadium of Fire held at LaVell Edwards Stadium in Provo.  Stadium of Fire is a huge 4th of July celebration that features musical performers and some amazing pyrotechnics.  It's even broadcasted live to the American troops overseas.  Cool, huh?  Brian's family goes pretty much every year, but this was the first time since I've been dating Brian that we've gone with them.  And the best part is we didn't even have to buy our own tickets!  Thanks, future father-in-law!

Now, this event is so steeped in Americana that Boy Scouts handled the parking.  That's right.  Once we were parked and seated in the stadium, the show began in true Utah style with an opening prayer.  The host for the evening was Alex Boye, a popular LDS singer and member of The Mormon Tabernacle Choir.  The Girl Scouts led the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance and the singing of our National Anthem.  When the crowd sang "the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air," red fireworks went off accompanied by booming canons.  Very epic.  The finale of the song brought a flyover of a Hill Air Force Base 388th Fighter Wing.  The planes were so loud and I loved it!  Then the Stadium of Fire Dancers did a number to "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" and the featured musical performances began.

Scotty McCreery, winner of American Idol's 10th season, got the night started with several of his hits including "I Love You This Big."  Brian and I aren't huge country fans so we took the opportunity to sneak off to buy some food.  There was a stand selling New Orleans cuisine so we got some shrimp Po' Boy sandwiches.  Very yummy.  We also got some snow cones and headed back to our seats just as the Stadium of Fire Talent Search was going on.

After the winner was decided, the headline performers entered the stage:  The Beach Boys!  Yep, as part of their 50th anniversary tour they hit up Provo, Utah!  Apparently they performed Stadium of Fire once before in 1992 and the crowds went wild. You might think that The Beach Boys are way too old now to put on a good show, but that is far from the truth!  As America's oldest and most successful boy band--a true American classic--they kept the energy up with poppy, beachy tunes one right after the other:  "Surfin' U.S.A.", "Barbara Ann", "Don't Worry Baby", "California Girls," "Wouldn't It Be Nice", "I Get Around", "Good Vibrations" and "Fun, Fun, Fun".... just to name a few.  Their harmonies are still spot on and everyone of all ages knew the words to the songs and couldn't help but sing along.  Brian's mom and sister Amy got up and started dancing even! 

After The Beach Boys, the fireworks began!  First they did a firework show choreographed to James Bond music and then a choir led by Alex Boye sang "America the Beautiful."  The Patriotic Pyrotechnic Finale was phenomenal and I almost went deaf from the booming explosions of color in the night sky.  Such a fun night!!

Lagoon!

When Brian left for work yesterday, he kissed me goodbye and said, "I'll probably be home around 2:00 or so."  I put some blankets in the washer, swept the kitchen floor and washed some dishes.  I was about to pull the vacuum out when I heard the key in the lock.  "Brian?"

"I'm home!" he called out cheerily.

I looked at the clock on the microwave.  "It's not even 11:00," I said.  "You're home early."

"Yep!  And we're going to a surprise place, so get ready!"

I just sort of stood there like a dumbfounded fool.  He went into the bathroom, turned on the shower, undressed and then poked his head out.  "Come on!  Get moving!"

So I did.  We both got ready for the day as quickly as we could and before long we were sitting in the car on the freeway headed north.  I didn't know right away where we were going, but eventually I got an idea.  He had said to wear shorts so I knew we would be outside... We were driving in the right direction...  I had mentioned to him that I've never been there before...

Sure enough, we were headed to Lagoon!

For those who may not know, Lagoon is an amusement park in Farmington, Utah which is just north of Salt Lake City.  To be more specific, it's part amusement park, part water park, part carnival, part zoo and part museum.  I never knew that there was so much variety.  We started out the day playing some arcade games where we won over 4,000 tickets which of course amounts to nothing when it comes time to cash them in for prizes.  We got a lot of random stuff like stuffed toys, playing cards, whoopie cushions, and glow-in-the-dark friendship bracelets (because Brian and I are besties, ya know).

After the arcade, we decided to ride on some rides.  My favorites were probably Wicked, The Spider and Colossus.  Brian said when he was a kid he would make his dad go with him on Colossus over and over again.  I thought that was pretty cute.  We probably would have ridden on more rides than we did, but sometimes roller coasters combined with junk food like Icees and hamburgers make my tummy feel a little funny. 

So we spent some time losing at carnival games (except for the Lucky Duck game which is beyond easy) and then roamed around the Pioneer Village side of the park.  That's where Lagoon becomes a sort of museum/zoo.  There are lots of different buildings like an old-fashioned pharmacy, print shop, dentist's office, that sort of thing with various artifacts.  There was also a little museum about the telephone and one about circuses.  They even had some animals, like deer and stuff, that would get right up next to the fence and nuzzle your hand.  It was pretty cool.

We ended our day with an aerial ride over the park in what's basically a ski lift.  Pretty neat to see the park from above and feel like you're flying through the tree tops.  We never did do any water stuff, but we didn't bring swimsuits and let's face it, we're much too fat to be running around shirtless.  Perhaps someday.  Lagoon offers this bounceback program and if we bring our validated tickets back within ten days we can get in for a discounted rate.  Brian says next week is kind of slow for him, so we just might do it on one of my days off.

I asked Brian why he decided to surprise me like this, and he said the idea just came to him while he was at work.  He thought about me, sitting at home all weekend with nothing exciting to do, and he thought, "Hey, he's never been to Lagoon in all these years he's lived in Utah."  So he skipped out on work and took me out.  I am very grateful for the gesture and I had a very enjoyable time with my sweet, spontaneous man.

Traffic Cones

Traffic cones are like pimples.  If a person has normally flawless skin and then suddenly gets a big, bright pimple on their face, you notice it.  It stands out.  But some people have bad skin with faces just covered in acne, and over time you stop noticing the pimples.  Sure, they are still there... but it's just become the expected.  It's the norm.  It's unremarkable.  Those bright pimples have suddenly lost their ability to stand out and draw attention.

So how is this like a traffic cone?  Well, in an area not familiar to road construction, an orange traffic cone probably catches everyone's attention.  But where I live, traffic cones are as plentiful as zits on a horny teenager.  They are everywhere.  All the time.  No matter what road you turn on, there are more orange cones dotting the street and redirecting you.  We've all become accustomed to them.  So when I walked the few blocks down to where I catch the bus to work, I didn't pay much attention to the fact that there was a little orange cone at the base of the bus stop sign.  I also didn't really notice that the street from which the bus turns was also littered with orange cones.  There was even a sign that said "ROAD BLOCKED," but again, what's one more pimple?

I stood waiting for my bus for what seemed like forever.  I had my earphones for my phone and was listening to music while I waited, so it wasn't too horrible to have to stand there.  I would occasionally peruse Facebook or read an article from my New York Times app.  But after a while I began to notice that I had been there well over a half hour and the bus was supposed to go by every 15 minutes.  That's when I noticed the cone near my feet.  That cone, led to the realization of all the other cones on the intersecting street.  The orange traffic cones merged together to form a clear message in my brain:  the bus has been rerouted, idiot.

Crap!  What was I to do?  So I began walking in the direction of the mall where I work, knowing full well that I wouldn't make it there in time.  It was now 9:15 and I needed to be there at 9:30.  So I gave my coworker Riley a call and said, "Can you please come rescue me?  I'm stranded on State Street."  She said she could.  I was near a Sonic Drive-In so I told her to meet me there.  After some breakfast and a chocolate cherry Coke, she finally arrived at about 9:45.

"Sorry it took me so long," she said.  "I went to take the Center Street Exit but it was blocked off by traffic cones.  I had a hell of a time getting to you!"

Glamorous Normalcy

Clock in.  Clock out.  Clock in.  Clock out.

After snoozing my cell phone four times, I roll out of bed and groggily stumble towards the bathroom door.  I need to shower and get dressed for work.  I am less than enthused this particular morning, because it is my seventh consecutive workday and I desperately need a break.  My late start results in no breakfast or time to pack a lunch, so with a grumbling tummy I punch my virtual time card and begin my long eight-hour day.  Memorial Day crowds are intense, and it's popcorn popcorn popcorn all shift long.  As I fill up tub after tub of piping hot saltiness I can't help but feel like the majority of my waking hours is spent at the theater.  Working.

Although work threatens to consume me, my life isn't exactly all work and no play.  Blissful moments of fun pepper my life and enrich it.

• Blankets tented over dining room chairs create the perfect fort for Brian and me.  Nestled cozily within our childlike wonderland amidst pillows and blankets, the two of us play games, read books, eat popcorn, and giggle gleefully.  Twenty-something doesn't have to be so old...
• Pancakes, laughter, gossip, funny work stories and movie-related conversation.  Just a simple coworker get-together at IHOP.  Another one is scheduled soon at Denny's.
• Tickets have been purchased, lights are down, snacks in hand, cinema magic flickers on the big screen.  Whether its Bridesmaids with Stephen and Lexi or Jane Eyre with Samuel, Brian and I enjoy seeing movies with friends.
• Rain pours down by the bucketful, turning the view through the windshield into a watercolor of city lights and night sky.  The jeep stereo adds sound to the airy waterstrokes as we ride to The Cheesecake Factory.  Once inside we wade through the sea of clinking silverware, happy voices, and hurried waiters' footsteps towards the beacon of birthday balloons at the longest and fullest table.  It's our friend Quintin's birthday and we all enjoy a terrific meal together.
• Old episodes of Sex and the City shine from a laptop as a small group of friends crowds onto a couch to watch.  Strawberries, pasta, whipped cream and delicious fudge brownies often make an appearance at our weekly "Sexy Sundays" at Quintin and Lexi's apartment, but the real star is Sarah Jessica Parker and Quintin's obsession of her.
• Brian flutters about the kitchen like a caged butterfly, beautifully landing here then there as he whips up the most terrific and spontaneous meals.  A four-course French meal with the family and late-night Gâteau de Crêpes à la Florentine for only the two of us.  Just because.

My life is glamorous in its normalcy.

Good Friends, Gourmet Food, and Fun Gifts

"Welcome Home" gifts from our friend Kelsey!

As I mentioned before, my friend Kelsey has been desperate to see us since we've been home.  We had made plans to have dinner last Saturday night, but because of a work schedule mishap we had to reschedule.  So just a few nights ago on Wednesday, we met up at The Copper Onion in downtown Salt Lake City to once again enjoy each other's company!

Immediately upon approaching the restaurant Kelsey came bounding out the door like a crazed lunatic and swooped us both up in a huge bear hug.  Her husband Robert just stood there laughing at her.  I'm sure he was just as happy to see us, he's just not the huggy type...  Kelsey, however, would not let us go!  It wasn't until Brian's face started turning blue that she got the hint she was suffocating us with her love and affection.

The four of us were seated and once Kelsey ordered for us all, we were able to eat to our hearts content!  I'm sure the meal undid all of the exercising I've been doing lately, but it was so worth it.  Sometimes you have to let your hair down a little, you know?  We started off with cured meat and cheese appetizers on crostini, then moved onto our entrees.  I ordered pasta carbonara again (we ate there for Brian's birthday in October), Brian ordered the risotto, Kelsey ordered ricotta dumplings, and Robert ordered The Copper Onion Burger.  Of course we couldn't help it if our forks drifted over onto other people's plates; good food is meant to be shared!

We ended our fun meal by splitting some tiramisu, and then Kelsey and Robert were kind enough to get the check.  They sure do know how to spoil us!  And the generosity didn't end there.  We went over to their apartment after dinner to watch a movie, and Kelsey brought out the greatest surprises of all:  our "Welcome Home" gifts.  That's right, that crazy girl bought us dinner and presents!  I got an "Angry Birds" stuffed toy that laughs when I squeeze it and Brian got The Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook which is full of fun recipes and food facts.  Toys and cookbooks... does she know us or what?

Indian Food, Miscommunication, and Cancelled Plans

Although Brian's sister Jenny has been living in her current apartment for almost six months now, Brian and I have never seen it.  So last night when we drove up to Bountiful to visit her, she gave us the grand tour including Lou's bedroom (the laundry room) complete with chewed up dog bones.  It's a cute little place in an area she likes, but unfortunately because of a rough breakup there are some unwanted memories in the apartment.  She's been looking for a new abode in a new town, but it's a bit harder to find an apartment when you have a large dog.

We decided she needed a fun little distraction, so we came up to eat and talk and basically just hang out a little bit.  We ordered food from a restaurant called Taste of India in Layton which was pretty delicious.  I hadn't ever had Indian food before, so I went off of Jenny's recommendation and ordered the Chicken Coconut Korma.  She knew what she was talking about, because it was very tasty.  I really loved the sweetness of the coconut, with the cashews and raisins and the rice... oh, so good!  And the naan bread puts Mexican tortillas to shame.

Jenny's a middle school history teacher so we talked a lot about education and history and politics, but we also talked about movies (Brian's biggest passion) and other random subjects.  We ended up gabbing past midnight before we realized the time.  I had work in the morning (or so I thought) so we said our goodbyes and headed home.

The reason I say "or so I thought" is because I went to work this morning only to be turned away.  I had previously been given a sheet of paper with my first week's schedule on it.  According to that little slip of parchment I had orientation Thursday night and my first actual shift was said to be Saturday 10am to 5pm.  However, turns out a mistake was made, because the schedule the managers had posted in the office stated that I was working from 6pm to midnight.  I was asked to go home and return in the evening...

Which really wouldn't have been a big deal if Brian and I hadn't made plans to eat tonight with our friend Kelsey in Salt Lake City!  She missed us greatly while we were away in California, and she's been trying to get together with us ever since we've been back in Utah.  She wanted to treat us to appetizers at one of our favorite places The Copper Onion.  Luckily she didn't make reservations (because they charge you an obscene amount of money for cancellations) and the new plan is to get together Wednesday night, which I think I'm not working.

But now I feel like I can never be absolutely sure...

Traveling Gypsy UPDATED 3/28/11

Back in October of last year I had tallied up a list of all the places I have ever lived and posted it under the name "Traveling Gypsy."  I have since done a bit more moving (along with Brian of course), so I decided to update it.  For those of you who read it when I first posted it, you can just skip the first 33 places since I didn't change that part at all.  Only the last three are new.  But if you didn't read it before, here it is again!

1. Although I was born in the hospital of Culver City, my mom and dad were actually living in Upland, California at the time of my birth.  So from August 20, 1986 until the end of that year, that was my first home.
2. For some strange, bizarre reason my parents decided to move up north to Bellingham, Washington.  We lived there from December '86 to February '87 before heading back to California.
3. While hunting for a new apartment, we stayed with my paternal grandparents in Baldwin Park, California.  We were there for a couple of months.
4. From April '87 to September '87 we lived in Rancho Cucamonga, California.  It was there that I had my first birthday.
5. Not sure what happened, but we ended up staying with my grandparents again in Baldwin Park, California.  We were there for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's.
6. In February of 1988 my parents were back on their own two feet again, living in an apartment of their own in Fontana, California.
7. After 7 months we moved to Pamona, California in September of 1988.  We stayed there for about 6 months.
8. In March of '89 we moved back to Upland, California (different apartment this time) and it was there that I turned three years old.  In April 1990 a dead body was discovered in the laundry room ceiling, and out of fear we packed up and left.
9. We found ourselves in Vista, California and stayed there for a surprisingly long time.  Just shy of two years.  Oh, and my brother Daniel was born during this time on July 11, 1991.  
10. In February of 1992 we moved within Vista from an apartment to a house.
11. Just four months later in June, my parents separated and moved to separate apartments.  Daniel and I lived with my mom, and my dad lived by himself.  We were still in Vista and I started my first grade school year.
12. My parents decided to patch things up and the four of us all moved to Lake Elsinore, California in January of 1993.
13. In April of that year we moved back to Vista.  I finished my first grade year there.  That's right, I had three first grade teachers.  I'm surprised I learned to read!
14. My parents' relationship was still rocky.  A change of scenery was a possible solution, so we moved to Rocky Ford, Colorado in July of 1993.
15. We lived in a small duplex for maybe a month before moving to another part of Rocky Ford where my Grandpa Garcia owned a rental house.  On September 28,1993 my sister Renee was born.  Less than three years later my parents decided to divorce.  I was almost ten years old.
16. In May of 1996 my mom moved to Cheraw, Colorado with the three of us kids.  I went to fifth grade there.
17. My mom decided to move us back to the Rocky Ford house a year later in 1997.  My mom was working in La Junta, Colorado (maybe 15 minutes away) so I attended middle school in La Junta.  It was during this time that Steve Davis moved to La Junta from Kansas.  He was teaching at an alternative school in Rocky Ford.  He and my mom met at church.
18. They were married and we moved into a small house in La Junta in May of '98.  Steve started teaching in Ordway, Colorado and Daniel drove out there with him for school.  I was still going to school in La Junta.
19. In October of 1999 Steve and my mom bought a house in Ordway.  This was our first time owning vs. renting, and we lived there for the longest time ever.  Ordway is where I went to high school.  It's also where I got my first real job.
20. After I graduated in May '04, I moved out on my own.  Kinda'.  My dad had recently divorced from his second marriage and was living in the old Rocky Ford house.  I decided to move in with him there since it was located exactly between my job in Ordway and my studies at Otero Junior College in La Junta.  He eventually moved out and my grandpa took his place.
21. I was called to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, so I went in to the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah September 2005.  My companion was Elder Carr.
22. Two months later I went to my first area in Curico, Chile.  I was there from roughly November '05 through January '06 with Elder Barron and then Elder Juarez.
23. I was transferred to Concepcion, Chile and stayed there until about June 2006 with Elder Ramirez and then Elder Orellana.
24. So in June I moved to the small town of San Clemente with Elder Potter, who was replaced with Elder Medina, then Elder James, and then Elder Carter.  That's a lot of companions in just four months!
25. October '06 found me in Molina, Chile where I spent time with Elder Auccapuclla, Elder Boyle, and Elder Meza.  Boyle and I even threw a Christmas Concert in the downtown plaza!
26. In February 2007 I moved to Talca, Chile and was there with Elder Fernandez and Elder Carrasco.  It was there that I wrote, directed, and produced "Arboleda" a play about faith.
27. Just three months later, in May, I packed up all my luggage and headed out to Chillan, Chile.  I was a Zone Leader there with Elder Bazalar, followed by Elder Stringham.
28. My last move in Chile was to Talca again, but in a different area.  I trained a new missionary, Elder Silva, and I was only there for 6 weeks.
29. In September 2007 I finished my mission and went to live with my family again.  While I was gone they had moved to Burlington, Colorado, and I lived there with them until the end of December.
30. Ringing in the New Year '08 I had moved in with my friends Edward and Michael Mayhoffer in La Junta, Colorado.  I had one semester left to get my Associates Degree at Otero Junior College.
31. I moved to Provo, Utah in September 2008 so that I could attend Brigham Young University.  I lived at Branbury Apartments with roommates Jason, Tanner, and Griffin.  During this time I met Brian and dropped out of BYU.
32. Brian and I wanted to move in together, so we went to Sky Harbor Apartments in Salt Lake City, Utah sometime in March of 2009.  Our friend Tess moved in with us to help with the rent.  Our apartment had cockroaches and a leak in the ceiling, so we left at the end of the year.
33. We moved to Citifront Apartments just blocks from our last place.  The apartment is almost double the size of the last one, and much nicer.  We lived there with our friend Mesun from January 2010, and Ryan and her kitty Cinders joined us in August.  Our lease expired at the end of December.
34. Brian and I got the idea that we needed to leave Utah and pursue bigger and better things.  So we packed up and moved to California on January 1, 2011.  We stayed at my Aunt Rachel's house in a tiny town called Littlerock.
35. We decided we were too far from all the action of the city, so we moved into a tiny roach-infested hotel in east Los Angeles.  We lived there from February 17, 2011 to March 22, 2011... just a little over a month.
36. Unable to obtain employment (though we tried very hard) we ran out of money and had to return to Utah, this time living with Brian's family in Orem, Utah.

Failure!

Well, well, well.  Where do I begin?

So Brian and I have been really rreeaallllyy struggling this last month.  I've been trying to keep my blog upbeat, and leave out some of the uglier truths.  Which is a shame because originally I vowed to be truthful at all times with every post.  I guess I never really lied, I just only wrote when I was feeling especially optimistic or when something good happened.  You know, like my fun day being an extra on The Event.  True story, totally fun, but in the end not really enough to lift us out of poverty!  I've been trying so hard this month to get you all pumped up for the one year anniversary of the blog...  I suppose my fear was that the negative news of us starving and nearly homeless would dampen your celebratory spirit.

"Yay!  I've been doing this blog for a whole year now!  Isn't that great!  I haven't eaten in three days, guys... but hey!  Don't forget about the contest!  You can win a comic of your very own!!"

See?  It just doesn't work.  So here is the truth.  For all to see.  I AM A

Wow.  It seems so harsh to see it written like that in such big letters.  But it's true.  We've given up our quest for a new and better life in California, and have returned to Utah.  We will be living with Brian's family in Orem for a bit while we get ourselves back on track financially.  Gosh... it's so depressing, huh?  Maybe I should start lying more.

• "Brian and I just got back from our really fun three-month vacation to California!  We spent some time visiting with my Aunt Rachel and my cousins, and then got a hotel in Los Angeles to see the sights!"
• "So Brian and I just completed a social experiment for purely academic purposes.  We were studying the causes of homelessness amongst Americans during these hard economic times.  A documentary is in the works."
• "We just took some time off to really find ourselves, you know?  Figure out our place in this world..."
• "No, this wasn't a failed attempt.  It was actually phase one of a seven-step plan.  You see, phase one was to get out there and scout it out for a few months.  We're back in Utah to recuperate before the launch of phase two."
• "Things were so successful in Los Angeles!  Brian just shot a pilot for a new television drama and I was hired on to animate for Disney.  Unfortunately we had to give it all up to take care of a sick relative.  She's severely ill and might be dying any day now.  We're so selfless."

Yeah.  I'm liking those excuses better.

JoaquiNews: Utah Adopts New State Symbol; Honey Bee in Danger

Utah's newest state symbol.

SALT LAKE CITY—Governor Gary Herbert recently signed a new Utah state symbol into law:  the John Moses Browning-designed M1911 pistol.  Only mere months after the mass shooting in neighboring Arizona, Utah officially has a state firearm.  And it’s a semi-automatic, baby.

                                                                                          

The adoption of a weapon as a state symbol came with lots of controversy, but Herbert claimed that it had less to do with the gun and more to do with the man who created it.  Browning was a Logan, Utah native— the son of Mormon pioneers—who gave back much to the state.  Honoring such a man seemed a very noble idea, until the true reason of the bill came into light.

Rocky Mountain Elk (Utah’s state animal) and California Seagull (Utah’s state bird) had blackmailed Herbert into passing the bill, with motives truly sinister.  For decades Elk and Seagull had felt like minorities when compared to the much more popular Honey Bee (Utah’s state insect).  Salt Lake City’s baseball team?  The Bees.  Deseret Industries and Deseret Book?  All referencing bees.  And what do you see on the Utah flag?  A beehive!  With the mounting social injustices, Elk and Seagull plotted a political assassination of the tyrannical Honey Bee.

Inhabiting an alternate universe of state symbols, Elk and Seagull had no way of murdering their foe.  Earlier attempts all proved futile.  Attempting to trap and roast Honey Bee in a Dutch oven (Utah’s state cooking pot) only infuriated the insect more.  Enlisting the help of Bonneville “Cutthroat” Trout (Utah’s state fish) resulted in the near-death of the fish by bee-sting.  Turned out his nickname was a bit misleading, as he was a bit of a pansy.

So with the new bill now signed into law, Seagull and Elk now have possession of a gun.  Herbert has cooperated with assassins.  May the blood of Honey Bee be on the governor’s hands.