Saturday, October 2, 2010

Top Ten Reasons I’m NOT Attending This Weekend’s LDS General Conference in Salt Lake City

10           I run the risk of being apprehended by Keith B. McMullen, who will promptly send me to Evergreen to cure me of my “disorder” through electro-shock therapy.  I don’t do well with pain.

9              I actually have a Mormon Tabernacle Choir CD, so I can be lulled to sleep from the comfort of my own home now.  I don’t have to hear them at Conference.

8              I’m not in the mood to hear one of Dallin H. Oaks’ political speeches about “the power to make laws on personal relationships” being reserved to the state.  Besides, his bald head creeps me out.

7              I might run into an old missionary companion and that would just be awkward.  Especially since I probably had a crush on him at one point in time.

6              I have a sneaking suspicion David Archuleta might be there promoting his new album, or worse, his cheesy book.  A memoir written by a 19-year-old?  Seriously?

5              I’m afraid I’ll laugh out loud whenever the name Joseph Smith is mentioned.  Not because I think he’s funny, but because it’ll remind me of that South Park episode.

4              I heard a rumor that this year they have installed gaydars as a new security feature.  My white shirt and tie won’t even be enough to disguise me.

3              I was going to stand there with some sort of protesting sign, but I realized that someone else took my corner and that I don't like confrontation.  

2              I don’t have a car anymore, and even if I did, I wouldn’t want to battle the downtown traffic or pay for parking.

1              I remembered that most active Mormons don’t even go.  I can just read it in the Ensign next month.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow harsh much? You Gays are still going to do whatever it is that you do, despite our negative endorsement. So why pick on the church, besides were bigger richer and there are more of us.

Renee said...

to anonymous
shut up. u are just as harsh
and nobody cares about how many there are of u
and i dont think the Lord would appreciate you
addressing people as 'you gays'
try to be more christ-like next time

Mishqueen said...

Please do be careful about alienating your loved ones. :) I suspect that most of your friends and family in the church still love your guts, and are doing their part to try to not alienate you even if they disagree with you. They want to keep you in their life. I can understand and respect why you feel this way, and you have every right to your opinion (and to publicize it). Your post doesn't offend me, and it may not offend anyone else either. But just in case, by changing your wording just a titch you could say the same things with a less mocking tone and probably prevent your more sensitive friends from feeling like maybe you dislike them purely for their religious beliefs. Try to remember how important these things are to people who love you.

That said, I hope we have many more long talks ahead of us in the future. Love you!
(If this bothers you, please talk to me about it. I intend it with love and respect.)

Lorra said...

I just want to say that we aren't loved and saved based upon our "religious" beliefs. I guess it's been awhile since we've been close, but there aren't many people I know with a heart like yours and last I read in the Bible, the heart was were it mattered most :)

Joaquin the Chihuahua said...

I appreciate all of the comments, I really do. And if I ruffled anyone's feathers, I'm sorry! I really am! I hope my friends and family who are LDS know that I love them, just as I know they love me. I'm a sarcastic joker, rarely serious, and most of the points I made were just silly. I'm surprised David Archuleta fans didn't post angry comments...

Renee said...

hahah dats funny jack xD
i love you!

Mishqueen said...

Lol, I don't think ANYONE minds David Archuleta jokes! Really, like I said maybe no-one got offended. The only things that really even caught my eye were the Joseph Smith and Dallin H. Oaks comments, because they cross the line over from Mormon culture to serious doctrinal issues.

But really, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. Forgive? Besos y abrazos?

Anonymous said...

2 Kings 2:23-24

Never mock a bald prophet

Joaquin the Chihuahua said...

I know... now I'm going to be attacked by bears!

Cupcakegirl said...

Jack you have nothing to apologize for and for those left you angry comments get OVER IT!!! do not judge lest you be judge!!! and don't you over zealous religious Bible thumpers start whipping scripture on me you will get you ass served to you on a platter I can promise you that !!
Jack I am sorry people said mean thing to you and apparently don't have a sense of humor. FYI I love and respect every religion out there but that doesn't mean i go lash out at some one because they say things I don't like about my religion. And to the first comment WOW way to do what Jesus commanded and that was too love ! I am sure Jesus Christ would died on the cross an excutaing painful death is proud of the way you channeled his love, BRAVFuCKING0. And maybe this seems a hypocritical but I love Jack and love anyone who chooses to follow God but I truly despise those who demean and criticize other in the name of religion. The Lord Jesus Christ is Jacks judge and Savior and you have no place to Judge or ridicule him

Cupcakegirl said...

oh and Mishqueen I hope you don't think this rant was against you. I respect the way you stated your beliefs and stood up for what you believe in with out being rude and disrespectful :)

jackgarcia2 said...

Jack,

You know it's a good blog topic when people react so strongly. I love you, son.

Dad

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