10 I run the risk of being apprehended by Keith B. McMullen, who will promptly send me to Evergreen to cure me of my “disorder” through electro-shock therapy. I don’t do well with pain.
9 I actually have a Mormon Tabernacle Choir CD, so I can be lulled to sleep from the comfort of my own home now. I don’t have to hear them at Conference.
8 I’m not in the mood to hear one of Dallin H. Oaks’ political speeches about “the power to make laws on personal relationships” being reserved to the state. Besides, his bald head creeps me out.
7 I might run into an old missionary companion and that would just be awkward. Especially since I probably had a crush on him at one point in time.
6 I have a sneaking suspicion David Archuleta might be there promoting his new album, or worse, his cheesy book. A memoir written by a 19-year-old? Seriously?
5 I’m afraid I’ll laugh out loud whenever the name Joseph Smith is mentioned. Not because I think he’s funny, but because it’ll remind me of that South Park episode.
4 I heard a rumor that this year they have installed gaydars as a new security feature. My white shirt and tie won’t even be enough to disguise me.
3 I was going to stand there with some sort of protesting sign, but I realized that someone else took my corner and that I don't like confrontation.
2 I don’t have a car anymore, and even if I did, I wouldn’t want to battle the downtown traffic or pay for parking.
1 I remembered that most active Mormons don’t even go. I can just read it in the Ensign next month.