Sofia/ Movie Review: 'Prince of Persia'

My brother’s girlfriend, Sofia is totally cute by the way. I definitely approve. She’s funny and loud and talks non-stop… just like our sister Renee. Just like my dad actually. Hmm… my family for the most part is that way. Gosh, we’re really quite annoying, actually.

Anyway, Sofia has a circulation problem, and I recently Facebooked her and said, “Wanna hear a joke? What do Sofia and Barney have in common? They both have purple toes!” To which she replied, “HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Best joke ever! What do Jack and Barney have in common? They’re both fat! jk” And that’s just an example of how well we get along.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time movie poster, image property of Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures.

Prince of Persia:  The Sands of Time AWFUL

Anyway, while Brian and I were in Colorado with them, we all decided to go to the movies. My brother Daniel kept saying it was a double date (but it was really more of a triple date because my sister invited a boy along too, although the two of them ended up sitting in a different row than us). We went to see Prince of Persia starring Jake Gyllenhaal and we soon found out that the only thing good about it was Jake Gyllenhaal. Well, let me be more specific. It wasn’t Jake’s acting performance—because it was probably the worst performance of his career—but it was just Jake’s hot body that made the movie even remotely bearable. And I mean remotely. For the most part, the movie was cheesy and over-the-top, but not in a fun and entertaining way like Pirates of the Caribbean, but in a stupid way, like a Disney Channel Original Movie. Mostly it looked like a video game, and the storyline pretty much changed as the writers saw fit. The princess was always explaining something about the magical time-changing knife, just to contradict herself later. “This is the only way we can destroy it.” “Okay, now there’s only one other option to destroy it.” “This is our last resort or else the gods will destroy us.” “Okay, actually the gods didn’t destroy us, and somehow we fixed everything.” “Just kidding, this whole movie never happened, because we went back in time just now.” “Who are you? We haven’t met.” AAH! Jake, why weren’t you at least shirtless more!!??

Daniel and Sofia both liked this movie by the way. Brian and I were the lone cynics who thought it was completely retarded. Later we rented Fantastic Mr. Fox through OnDemand because we were determined to show them what an entertaining and well-crafted movie looked like.

They learned.

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