Monday, August 29, 2011

Movie Reviews: Don't Be Afraid of the Gleefully Frightening Brother

Glee: The 3D Concert Movie poster, image property of Twentieth Century Fox.
Don't Be Afraid of the Dark poster, image property of Miramax.
Our Idiot Brother poster, image property of The Weinstein Company.
Fright Night poster, image property of Walt Disney.

I guess I’ve been busy, but I’ve gotten really behind on my movie-watching!  After Glee: The 3D Concert Movie, I went two straight weeks without watching a single movie.  Two movies (The Change-Up and The Smurfs) left the theater without me ever watching them, and when I finally got around to seeing a movie this weekend I realized that there were no less than eight movies that I still had to see!  I watched a movie on Friday, Saturday and Sunday leaving me with just five more to see before the weekend brings three more flicks!  How will I ever catch up?


Glee: The 3D Concert Movie ADMIRABLE

Lord knows I’m a huge gleek, so I was more than excited to see this concert movie!  The use of 3D was actually pretty good, really making me feel like I was right on stage with my favorite characters.  My friends and I felt so immersed in the experience that we even sang along and applauded after each musical number!   But the reason this movie fell short of “AWESOME!” status is because the filmmakers decided to weave in some real-life stories of Glee fans which—while emotional at times—really just detracted from what I really wanted to see:  a Glee concert!  More of the concert (and perhaps a longer running time) would have really made me more gleeful!

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark AVERAGE

This horror film by Guillermo del Toro is the first movie from my Most Anticipated Movies list to disappoint me.  The story is of a young girl named Sally (Bailee Madison) who goes to live with her dad and his new girlfriend (Guy Pearce and Katie Holmes) in an old Gothic house they are restoring.  In classic haunted house style, the girl is tormented by monsters who thrive in the dark and want to claim her as one of their own.  While director Troy Nixey manages to create a lot of creepy atmosphere at times and the actors all perform very well (I really like Bailee Madison—go rent Brothers), the movie fails to be scary in any way.  The creatures are tiny, talking rat-things that would have been more menacing if they had been kept in the shadows more.  Unfortunately they are on screen way too much, and the result is something very hokey.

Our Idiot Brother ADMIRABLE

Paul Rudd stars as the titular brother who is actually more honest, trusting and naïve than he is idiotic.  After a brief stint in prison, he is in need of a place to stay and tries, in turn, to live with each of his three sisters (played by Emily Mortimer, Elizabeth Banks and Zooey Deschanel).  As each of his sisters’ lives unravel and they blame him for all their troubles, many lessons are learned… and much comedy ensues!  This movie is very funny and thrives on being both slightly absurd yet deeply organic in nature.  Rudd does a fantastic job and embodies the character flawlessly.  His sisters on the other hand are less developed, which only just helps Rudd to shine even more.  He truly is a very talented man and really made this movie what it is—a slightly irreverent look at what makes relationships work.

Fright Night AWESOME!

If comedic horror movies are your thing, this movie is it!  Like Zombieland or Drag Me to Hell, this new remake of Fright Night gives you all the thrill and fun of a good scary movie while also cheekily poking fun at the genre clichés and making you laugh through your fear!  Colin Farrell stars as the new neighbor who’s actually a vampire and Anton Yelchin is the teenage boy who is brave enough—or dumb enough—to take him on.  Farrell does a terrific job of oozing creepy sex appeal out of his pores, and the supporting cast of Toni Collette, David Tennant, Imogen Poots and Christopher Mintz-Plasse all supply plenty of laughs and surprising believability.

Love movies?  Check out my Movie Page!

An Embarrassing First Day


The small, gray-haired woman opened the door as if to go in but halted for a moment.  Thinking perhaps she was holding the door for me, I took a step forward just as she did, resulting in us both awkwardly trying to squeeze through the doorway.  In an attempt to remedy the situation, I stopped and reached over her head to hold the door that was now starting to swing shut.  I hoped to fool her into thinking that I was just trying to hold the door for her, but by the look on her face I would say that she wasn’t so gullible.  I sat down in a desk feeling like a total jerk.

It was just the two of us in the classroom for a few minutes.  She pulled out her laptop and began fiddling around with it while I just sat there playing with my phone.  A girl closer to my age joined us, followed by a guy in a green shirt who asked, “What class is this?”

Suddenly unsure that I was in the right place, I didn’t say anything hoping one of the other two would pipe up.  This, of course, just made me seem like a jerk again because the student and I had made eye contact when he arrived and when he asked his question I just looked down at my desk as if I was too good to be bothered with his question.  Apparently I like to ignore fellow students and make women hold doors open for me.  I’m a real classy guy.

Another dude—highly loquacious—came in talking up a storm about how he had to walk clear across campus, asking what we thought Professional Considerations for the English Major was all about, informing us he wanted to be a lawyer and commenting on a class he took last semester that greatly shattered his perceptions on sexuality and gender.  All of this was mainly one-sided and condensed to a five-minute time frame before he suddenly realized, “Where is the teacher?”

That was a good question.  Class should have started three minutes ago and there wasn’t a professor in sight.  Another good question:  Where were the other students?

“When I signed up for this class there was only one spot left,” said the younger girl.

“Yeah, I was on a waitlist once,” I said quietly, to no one in particular.

Just then a bald, skinny man in a gray suit poked his head in and asked which teacher we were waiting for.

“Santee,” replied the guy who couldn’t stop talking.  “This is supposed to be English 3000.  Once it’s been fifteen minutes we can leave, right?  I bailed on a lunch date with friends for this class.”

“I’ll go to the English Department office and see if I can round anyone up,” said the bald man.

In the meanwhile we just sat and listened to the radio.  Well, it seemed like the radio—it was just the one kid providing us with a monologue of every thought passing through his head.  I just sort of tuned him out after a while.

At about twenty after a different man came in.  Where the other man had been tall and lean, this man was short and squat.

“Good morning, everyone.”

“Good morning!” said the talker.

The rest of us just waited in anticipation for the news the round man was going to give us.  Perhaps the class was cancelled, or the room was changed, or the professor was deathly ill in the hospital hanging desperately to her life by a thread.

“This class is only half a semester and you are all enrolled in Block B, which doesn’t start until October 18th.  You will meet your professor and the rest of your classmates then.  Have a good day.”

He walked out the door and we all sat there stupidly for a moment.  The loudmouth checked his iPad to verify the news.  "Sure enough.  Block B.  Well aren't we the bright, college students?" he said sarcastically.  "Well, see you all in October!"

And that was my embarrassing first day at UVU.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Jack and Jill

I've hit a wall with A Tent in Summer and I'm not sure how I want to proceed.  I'm starting to like the premise less and less, although Brian really likes it and insists that I finish it before he steals the idea and writes it himself.

So while that one is momentarily on hold, I've decided to try out another idea of mine.  I'm sure you know that I am obsessed with the name Jack.  Why else would I have a Jack of the Month?  And I've always found it fascinating how Jack is such a common name in nursery rhymes and folklore.  So my idea is to weave together these various rhymes as if they all happened to the same Jack.

Not knowing much about the places and time periods associated with these nursery rhymes, I thought it would be interesting to set my story in the modern day but in a rural and somewhat behind-the-times setting.  I've decided on a fictional place called Rhyme, Colorado which is heavily influenced by the many small towns I grew up in.  Somewhat dusty and destitute, but beautiful in its own way.

Here's what I have so far.  And just as a warning, my blog is copyrighted so don't even think about stealing my writing!  Ha ha.  Oh, I should also warn you that there is some sexuality and a swear word so if you are greatly opposed to such a thing, don't read on!

It wasn’t long ago that her red cowboy boots were pointed towards heaven as she screamed out “Hallelujah” so loudly that Jesus Christ himself would have blushed crimson.  He remembered the truck bed creaking its whispered moaning along with her; as if the old pickup truck itself were longing to orgasm.  The mosquitoes and other pests were swarming in and landing lightly to feast on the fevered blood coursing passionately through the veins of the two thrusting humans with only the moon and a million fireflies as their enraptured audience.

This morning, he didn’t know what to say to her.

He was walking with his eyes downcast—staring intently at his dirty sneakers as if amazed that feet could do such a thing as walk—and lifted them now to catch a furtive glimpse of the female figure walking just steps ahead of him through the prairie brush in those same red boots and white cotton dress.  She was only 16 years old and downright pretty.  Some of the other girls in school thought she was plain and made it a point of sharing their opinions with everyone on a regular basis, but he found her to be pretty in her own way.  It was different than theirs.  Their way was the pretty of magazines and television shows, but hers was the pretty of the earth itself.  Her pretty was alive and vibrant and giving.

They had reached the hill separating his family’s farm from hers, and as she began to ascend, she turned her head back and said, “Hurry up, slowpoke,” with a tentative smile.

It was the first time either of them had said a word to each other since the night he took her virginity.  She had come over this morning to bring some eggs and to check her email.  She didn’t have internet at her house; her father was too cheap.  It was good that she came though, not because of their need for eggs but because of their lack of water.  The Sprat family had awoken to find their water had been shut off.  There had been some sort of water problem in the main part of town, and they weren’t sure when it would be up again.  The Horners had their own well so the girl volunteered to fetch a pail or two of water for them.  The boy’s mother insisted that he go with her.

So here they were, heading up the same hill where they had parked and made love just a week or so previously. 

“Jack, I’m only kidding with the ‘slowpoke’ part, but why must you walk so far behind me?  You didn’t seem to have any troubles being close the other night,” she added bashfully.

She was pretty, yes, but he didn’t know how to say what he needed to say.  His plan had been to avoid her for the rest of his life, but seeing as there was only two families living out on County Road J he knew it wasn’t a good plan.  He hoped to at least distance himself from her until school started at the end of August, but his stupid bitch of a mother had to send the two of them off together on an early morning quest for water.  If only his father were still around.

On second thought, what would his father say if he heard what Jack was about to confess now?  He would shoot him point blank with his shotgun.  Wrestle him to the ground.  Throw him out of the house and never allow him back in again.

“Jill, about that night…”

But she didn’t seem to hear him.  “I always had a feeling you fancied me, Jacky Boy.  I always did.”

The two of them were nearing the top of the hill, where the barbed wire fence separated the two properties.  There was a spot where the wire was all broken and where they would always cross it.  Jack was still a few steps behind Jill, talking at her back while she seemed to be talking to the air.

“Even when we were little and you and my brother used to run around tormenting me and saying girls had cooties, even then I knew you liked me.  And I liked you.  When no one was around I would draw your face on the bathroom mirror with my mama’s red lipstick and kiss it ‘til my lips were as red as these cowboy boots.”

She laughed at this.  Jack took advantage of the break in her monologue to try to say what was on his mind.

“I never liked you like that, Jill.”

Her laughing drowned him out.  Or maybe it was the wind.  The higher they climbed the more the wind whipped around her sundress, blowing raspberries along her thighs.  The tingling feeling reminded her of their night together, furthering her romantic notions; launching her into a memory so preciously guarded that the present seemed to have little bearing on her.

“Really, Jill, I wish you would listen to me.”

“But now you’re not a little boy anymore, Jacky.  Oh, you sure are not.  Almost 18 years old.  A real man.”

“I need to explain to you what happened, Jill.  What happened the other night…”

“You’ll be graduated from high school real soon, and you already have a job down at the movie theater.  I reckon you’ll be made a manager even.  We could get married, Jack.  Would you like that?  Would you like to marry me?”

“I’m so confused, Jill.  So confused about everything.  When your brother left… I don’t know.  It was like a part of me died, Jill.  We were real good friends, you know.  Real good friends.  And I was missing him.  And you know I like you, Jill.  I do.  I’m just not sure that I like you like you.  Do you know what I mean, Jill?  Like like?”

“Sure I’m only 16, but I’m sure my mama and daddy would be real tickled at the idea of me marrying you, Jack.  You’re like a son to them already, especially since Joseph’s gone and left us.  And I don’t need no more schooling.  I really don’t.  What’s it matter anyway?  I just want to marry you and be your wife.  I don’t need a degree to be a mother.”
 
“And I just needed to know, Jill.  I needed to find out if my feelings were real or not.  And you remind me of him so much.  You really do.  You have his eyes and his smile.  Your nose is different and your face is… is softer… but your eyes.  His eyes.”

“We could be happy, Jack.  You and me and…” she turned to face him, patting her stomach, “…our baby.”

“What did you say?”

They had reached the top of the dusty hill, and they could see miles around them.  A dirty patchwork quilt of brown and green farmland laid spread out beneath them as if they were having a picnic.  Further out lay the small town of Rhyme, Colorado and further yet laid the Rocky Mountains towards the west.  The sun was beating down on them from the eastern side, and everything seemed bright up there.  Everything seemed illuminated and clear.

“I’m pregnant, Jack,” Jill whispered as a tear dripped slowly down her rosy cheek.  Her long brown hair billowed behind her in the wind, reminding Jack that here stood Jill, not her brother Joseph.

“I’m a queer,” said Jack.

“You’re what?”

“Gay.”

Jill stood in disbelief.  She stood in anger.  Her heart shattered, her dreams disintegrated, her entire future seemed doomed in an instant.  She did the only thing a woman could do in her position:  she struck out.  She punched Jack as hard as she could.

And in that early morning light, Jack stumbled backward from the force of her blow and fell down the hill.  The sound of his body made loud crunching noises in the quiet countryside.  His limbs twisted, his bones broke, the rocks and dirt and cacti left their marks on his unprotected face and arms.  They tore at his blue denim and ripped his yellowed t-shirt.  His head hit a hard protrusion of stone and when his body finally came to a stop some twenty yards below, Jill could see the blood pooling amongst his dirty-blonde hair.

Jill screamed.  She bolted after him, but in her haste caught her foot on a fallen strand of barbed wire and fell crashing to her knees, tumbling after, leaving behind only one red boot.
And for the record, the characters will live through this horrific accident.  I just wanted to open with something shocking that will hopefully keep the reader interested.  Let me know what you think.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

25 Days of Jack: Day Twenty-Five Continued

Last night's birthday party was just the beginning.  Tonight Brian surprised me with a delicious Chilean meal that really brought back a lot of good memories.  For dinner he treated me and his family to Pastel de Choclo which is the national dish of Chile.  It's very similar to a Shepard's Pie, except the meats are covered in a puree of corn instead of mashed potatoes.  He really did a great job with it!

For dessert we had Torta de Mil Hojas, which is my very favorite thing ever!!  It's layers of crispy pastry stacked high with a caramel sauce and nuts between each layer.  The recipe called for walnuts but Brian used almonds because we had them on hand.  I loved it!  It's super rich and super sweet.

I'm very grateful for the hard work Brian put into creating my special birthday dinner.  He really does spoil me.

25 Days of Jack: Day Twenty-Five

Today is my 25th birthday!

My sister called today and said, "Happy birthday, you old freakin fart!"

Oh, it's so true!

Last night I celebrated early with a simple little birthday party.  I invited some friends over and we played some games, opened presents and ate cake and ice cream.  My friend Michelle made the cake and it was delicious!  I asked for the most chocolatey cake in the world and boy did she deliver!  It was two layers of chocolate cake with a caramel whipped cream in the middle and toffee bits on top... so so so so good.

While opening presents I saw that my mom had gotten me the first season of Modern Family, which is a television comedy that I love!  Everybody else seemed to love it too, so we watched a few episodes together to end the night.  It was fun!

I'd like to thank everyone who was able to make it!


LEFT:  Brian and me
TOP RIGHT:  Gabe, me, John and LoriAnn
BOTTOM RIGHT:  Sydney, me, Raeane and Michelle
(Not pictured:  Amy, James, Caleb and Trevor)

And here is a video of everyone singing "Happy Birthday" to me!  I almost didn't blow out that second candle... but I got it!

 

Chihuahua Comics: Fat Kid Loves Cake

Those scary chompers are going to kill that poor little decadent morsel of cake!  Oh no!

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