Chihuahua Comics: Puppy Love

I hope everyone out there enjoys the holiday!  Brian has a job interview today and I hope it goes well for him.  Later we're looking forward to a romantic day spent together (although he will probably give Buster more love and affection).  And for those of you bitter cupid-haters out there, I hope your day sucks.  That's right.  You will get no love from me.

10 Things I Love About Brian

10.  Brian gives a thumbs up whenever he says “awesome.”  It’s cute.  Even when he’s talking to someone on the phone he’ll do it.  Like they can see.

9.  We read books out loud together before going to bed or while driving in the car.

8.  He’s so talented!  He can act, sing, play piano, write, and cook!  Seriously, there is nothing he can’t do.  He’s even better than me at all the games on my phone.  He tops all my high scores!

7.  Whenever he makes anything to eat, he always serves me first.   I guess it just makes me feel special.

6.  He’s my personal chauffer.  It’s like Driving Miss Daisy!

5.  He’s really good with our dog, Buster.  I know he’s going to be a good father someday.

4.  Brian can always make me laugh!  He is so funny!  And I love when he sings in the car… so fun.  Sometimes we make up silly lyrics to songs we know.

3.  He rubs my shoulders while I’m washing the dishes.  Or sometimes he’ll kiss my shoulder.

2.  Basically he’s the best kisser ever.  Yup.  It’s true.

1.  He loves me day in, day out.  When I’m grumpy.  When I’m mean.  When I really need his shoulder to cry on.  No matter what.

JoaquiNews: Marijuana Leads to Sexual Revolution in Colorado

Hippies playing music in Colorado.

Ten years ago, Colorado passed a law to legalize medical marijuana.  But only doctors in the bigger, hipper cities of Boulder and Denver felt comfortable becoming legitimate drug dealers.  So Vincent Palazzotto—presumably while high as a kite—had a brilliant idea:  shiny aluminum trailers.

He founded the Medical Marijuana Assistance Program of America and now Colorado is filled with traveling doctors who will prescribe and dispense blaze to all of the citizens—right out of their trailers.  “We want to be sure no patient is left behind,” says Palazzotto.

It’s all been a huge success in Colorado.  With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, a lot of people are looking to loosen up a little bit before the big day of love.  From February 1^st to February 14^th these traveling pot dealers are handing out free Viagra samples with any purchase of $100 or more.

“It’s basically Woodstock all over again out here,” says Billy Ray Applebottom of Salida, Colorado.  “It’s all about sex.  Free love.  It’s a sexual revolution!”

Even some big celebrities have found their way over to Colorado to partake in this so-called sexual revolution.  Rumors have been circling that Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson have been seen together lighting up and getting freaky in public places, such as the ball pit of a local McDonald’s play place.  Johansson’s rep denies it of course saying, “Scarlett and Sean are not dating.”  Of course during a sexual revolution one’s relationship status is irrelevant.  Dating or not dating, with a little stinkweed mixed in with Viagra, it’s a free-for-all.

In recent hours, this revolution has spread into neighboring Wyoming, New Mexico, Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma, and even Utah.  From Washington, U.S. President Barack Obama made a public statement about the sexual revolution, commenting on the people’s need to “find the answers” and the “spirit of unity that has defined these last few weeks.”  Clearly, there is a lot of uniting going on.  Lots.

Although loosely based on real news stories (check the links), this article is FAKE.

Cone of Shame

Just look at our poor baby!  Doesn't it just break your heart into a million pieces and then stomp all over those pieces until they've disintegrated into dust before scattering into the wind never to be seen again?

My Aunt Rachel's landlord showed up today announcing that he was going to spray the house for bugs and that we all needed to get lost for a few hours.  All of us.  Including the animals.  Okay.  So where do we go?  We've known for a while now that we needed to get Buster to a vet, but have been avoiding it with several excuses.  The most popular excuse being that we should wait until one of us gets a job.  But seeing as Buster needed to leave the house as well, and we had no other plans really, we decided that maybe today was the day to take him to the vet.

So thank you, landlord, for motivating us to get Buster to the vet.

Our poor little guy has never been before, and he was pretty scared to be left alone with complete strangers.  Trust us, it broke our hearts to have to leave him.  But leave him we did.  And while he was alone at Mission Animal Hospital undergoing many shots and a life-altering surgery, Brian and I went out to lunch.  Then we went and looked at some apartments in Palmdale.  It was an enjoyable afternoon.

Well, for us at least.  Poor Buster!  He got tons of vaccinations done (DHPP/Corona, Canine Rabies, Canine Bordetella Intranasal, Deworm) and then we did the most horrible thing you could ever do to a male dog.  We snipped off his testicles!  Okay, so we didn't do it, but we paid the vet to.  So now little Buster Keaton is just half a man.  A mere shadow of what he once was.

He's currently lying on the couch, drugged up on Morphine and only half alive it seems.  To make his emasculation even more embarrassing for him, he's wearing the "cone of shame" as they say in the movie Up.  I hope he gets to feeling better soon, because right now he's a vegetable and I just feel so sorry for him.

I pray he'll forgive us someday...

Fourteen Flicks for February Fourteenth

Brian and I decided to come up with some movie recommendations for you lovebirds out there.  With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, we’re all in the need for some romance this weekend.   Our list contains movies both obvious and unexpected; some with happy endings and some without.  We didn’t bother ranking them or anything, so you’ll find them in chronological order.  We hope you enjoy!

1934       It Happened One Night

“Aw, where you gonna find her?  Somebody that's real.  Somebody that's alive.  They don't come that way anymore…  She'd have to be the sort of a girl who'd... well, who'd jump in the surf with me and love it as much as I did.  You know, nights when you and the moon and the water all become one.  You feel you're part of something big and marvelous.  That's the only place to live... where the stars are so close over your head you feel you could reach up and stir them around.  Certainly, I've been thinking about it.  Boy, if I could ever find a girl who was hungry for those things...”

1939       Gone With the Wind

“There's one thing I do know... and that is that I love you, Scarlett.  In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.”

1942       Casablanca

“Kiss me.  Kiss me as if it were the last time.”

1953       Roman Holiday

“I have to leave you now.  I’m going to that corner there and turn.  You must stay in the car and drive away.  Promise not to watch me go beyond the corner.  Just drive away and leave me as I leave you…  I don’t know how to say goodbye.  I can’t think of any words.”

1955       Lady and the Tramp

“Side by side with your loved one/You’ll find enchantment here/The night will weave its magic spell/When the one you love is near/Oh, This is the night/And the heavens are right/On this lovely bella notte!”

1968       Funny Girl

“Lovers are very special people/They’re the luckiest people in the world/With one person, one very special person/A feeling deep in your soul/Says you were half now you’re whole/No more hunger and thirst/But first be a person who needs people.”

1971       Harold and Maude

“Oh, Harold…  That’s wonderful.  Go and love some more.”

1987       Moonstruck

“Loretta, I love you.  Not like they told you love is, and I didn't know this either, but love don't make things nice—it ruins everything.  It breaks your heart.  It makes things a mess.  We aren't here to make things perfect.  The snowflakes are perfect.  The stars are perfect.  Not us.  Not us!  We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die.”

1989       When Harry Met Sally

“I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes.  And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.  And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve.  I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

1990       Pretty Woman

“When I was a little girl, my mama used to lock me in the attic when I was bad, which was pretty often.  And I would… I would pretend I was a princess… trapped in a tower by a wicked queen.  And then suddenly this knight… on a white horse with these colors flying would come charging up and draw his sword.  And I would wave.  And he would climb up the tower and rescue me.”

1995       While You Were Sleeping

“Do you believe in love at first sight?  Nah, I betcha don't, you're probably too sensible for that…  Have you ever fallen in love with someone you haven't even talked to?  Have you ever been so alone you spend the night confusing a man in a coma?”

1997       Titanic

“Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me…   It brought me to you.  And I’m thankful for that, Rose.  I’m thankful.  You must do me this honor, Rose.  Promise me you’ll survive.  That you won’t give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless.  Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.”

2001       Moulin Rouge!

“I don’t need you anymore!  All my life you made me believe I was only worth what someone would pay for me!  But Christian loves me.  He loves me!  He loves me, Harold.  And that is worth everything!  We’re going away from you, away from the Duke, away from the Moulin Rouge!”

2004       Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

“I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be.”

Chihuahua Comics: Caterpillars

Brian rolled his eyes when I showed him this comic.  "You don't even have a unibrow," he tells me.  I swear the man is in denial.  Surely he must have seen me in the bathroom mirror shaving or plucking away at those caterpillars...  I mean, we do live together.

10 Things I Love About My Brother

10.  Daniel and I both love the Harry Potter books and movies.  In fact, when he was younger, he wrote a fan letter to Emma Watson (Hermione Granger) and got a signed photograph in return.

9.  He makes funny little noises sometimes without knowing it.  Kinda like a mouse.  In fact, in high school he had the nickname Mousey.

8.  The kid loves video games!  I totally suck at them, but he’s way good.

7.  He’s hardworking.  He always managed to get good grades in school, and now he has his first ever job at Burger King.  I hear he’s working a steady forty hours a week, late into the night, and is getting very big paychecks.  The kid makes more than I do!

6.  Boy, does he love sports.  He used to play everything when he was younger.  He was a fast runner in track and one of the best players on his team in basketball.  Nowadays he’s my go-to guy whenever I need to know something sports-related.  He watches ESPN almost religiously.

5.  He can’t drive a stick shift either.  Automatics all the way, baby!

4.  Although largely quiet and soft-spoken, he can be very affectionate and loving.  He isn’t afraid to give everyone in the family big hugs… even if it isn’t “manly.”

3.  He’s great for having all-day text messaging conversations.  I especially like that every sentence ends in “lol.”

2.  He treats his girlfriend with respect.

1.  He's never been ashamed to be my brother, even though we are so different.