20 Things I Learned This Semester

Guess what, guys?  Remember that horribly needy girl I was telling you about a while ago?  You know, the one named School?  Well, I finally broke up with her!  That's right, we are as done as done can be.  And do you know what?  I learned a lot this semester.  I really did. 

1.  I learned that it is possible to get an A- in a class even if you wait until the very last week of school to do the assignments.  Depending on your professor, of course.  It also helps if you are a recently married gay man and your teacher is a long-married and very outspoken lesbian.  Actually, I'm sure that had nothing to do with anything... I'm just awesome.

2.  I learned that getting married is stressful.  Coordinating the efforts of all those willing to help is a challenge, as is making decisions about tablecloths, flower arrangements, bands, venues, food, lantern colors, etc...  It's also not the smartest idea to get married in the middle of a school semester and then have a reception a week before Thanksgiving.  So much stress piled on top of other stress!  All this leads me to Number 3...

3.  I learned that friends are a very valuable asset.  I couldn't have survived without them!

4.  I learned that I can indeed write a twelve-page research paper about Kafka's The Trial and do it well.  I also did my first ever annotated bibliography (and yes, I'm 26 years old and somehow never had to write one before).  I also presented a paper for an academic audience for the first time!

5.  I learned that I really love Franz Kafka.  I also love Neil Gaiman who wrote American Gods which I read in my American Literature class.  And David Foster Wallace.  I also learned that I love American literature more than British literature.  Sorry, Brits.

6.  I learned how to make a Prezi presentation!  It's pretty awesome!

7.  I learned that it cost Ray Bradbury $9.80 to write Fahrenheit 451 using a rented UCLA typewriter for 10 cents/half hour.

8.  I learned that some people might not care about that random factoid.  Those people are lame...

9.  I learned that Touchstones might just be a UVU publication but they're still too good to publish my work.  I learned that I am not a perfect writer; there's much to improve upon.  I also learned that it's impossible to finish NaNoWriMo when you start halfway through the month...  but I managed to write over 25,000 new words of my novel-in-progress and it's looking mighty fine if I say so myself.

10.  I learned that some bus drivers are crazy.  They sometimes stop in the middle of the road to talk to a friend or slow down next to joggers and ask them if they need a ride.  I also learned the difference between courteous and overly-friendly-in-a-creepy-way.  A lot of the bus passengers are of the second persuasion...

11.  I learned that my bus commute is the perfect amount of time to watch an episode of New Girl or Modern Family on my phone.

12.  I learned that it's possible to run out of printing credits in the library and that $5 doesn't really buy you a lot of pages...

13.  I learned that it's possible for me to make an occasional comment in class without sounding like a douchey know-it-all or a suck-up.  The key is to keep it short and admit your own limitations.  Some kids in my class don't have that skill.  I wanted to punch them.

14. I learned that it's never okay to punch a classmate.

15.  I learned that Naked juice is really delicious, even if it's overpriced.  I also learned that the little breakfast sandwiches sold on campus are scrumptious.  They make an 8:30 AM class bearable.  Just a little.

16.  I learned that students read at about half the speed of our professors.  That partially explains why they assign us so much reading: they don't realize it takes us as long as it does.  They're also just jerks.

17.  I learned that if I stay up all night I can draw a ten-page graphic novel.  I also learned that it's not wise to give the one and only copy of said graphic novel to your professor.  I wonder if I can ever get that back.

18.  I learned that I am "funny and smart" from one of my professors.  Thank you.  Wish I could say the same...

19.  I learned that lists are one of the many aspects of post-modern writing.  I guess you could say this blog post is post-modern.  I also learned that my friend Wes uses the term "post-modern" far too often.  Like every other sentence.  He should read number 13...

20.  I'm just kidding.