Guess what, guys? Remember that horribly needy girl I was telling you about a while ago? You know, the one named School? Well, I finally broke up with her! That's right, we are as done as done can be. And do you know what? I learned a lot this semester. I really did.
1. I learned that it is possible to get an A- in a class even if you wait until the very last week of school to do the assignments. Depending on your professor, of course. It also helps if you are a recently married gay man and your teacher is a long-married and very outspoken lesbian. Actually, I'm sure that had nothing to do with anything... I'm just awesome.
2. I learned that getting married is stressful. Coordinating the efforts of all those willing to help is a challenge, as is making decisions about tablecloths, flower arrangements, bands, venues, food, lantern colors, etc... It's also not the smartest idea to get married in the middle of a school semester and then have a reception a week before Thanksgiving. So much stress piled on top of other stress! All this leads me to Number 3...
3. I learned that friends are a very valuable asset. I couldn't have survived without them!
4. I learned that I can indeed write a twelve-page research paper about Kafka's The Trial and do it well. I also did my first ever annotated bibliography (and yes, I'm 26 years old and somehow never had to write one before). I also presented a paper for an academic audience for the first time!
5. I learned that I really love Franz Kafka. I also love Neil Gaiman who wrote American Gods which I read in my American Literature class. And David Foster Wallace. I also learned that I love American literature more than British literature. Sorry, Brits.
6. I learned how to make a Prezi presentation! It's pretty awesome!
7. I learned that it cost Ray Bradbury $9.80 to write Fahrenheit 451 using a rented UCLA typewriter for 10 cents/half hour.
8. I learned that some people might not care about that random factoid. Those people are lame...
9. I learned that Touchstones might just be a UVU publication but they're still too good to publish my work. I learned that I am not a perfect writer; there's much to improve upon. I also learned that it's impossible to finish NaNoWriMo when you start halfway through the month... but I managed to write over 25,000 new words of my novel-in-progress and it's looking mighty fine if I say so myself.
10. I learned that some bus drivers are crazy. They sometimes stop in the middle of the road to talk to a friend or slow down next to joggers and ask them if they need a ride. I also learned the difference between courteous and overly-friendly-in-a-creepy-way. A lot of the bus passengers are of the second persuasion...
11. I learned that my bus commute is the perfect amount of time to watch an episode of New Girl or Modern Family on my phone.
12. I learned that it's possible to run out of printing credits in the library and that $5 doesn't really buy you a lot of pages...
13. I learned that it's possible for me to make an occasional comment in class without sounding like a douchey know-it-all or a suck-up. The key is to keep it short and admit your own limitations. Some kids in my class don't have that skill. I wanted to punch them.
14. I learned that it's never okay to punch a classmate.
15. I learned that Naked juice is really delicious, even if it's overpriced. I also learned that the little breakfast sandwiches sold on campus are scrumptious. They make an 8:30 AM class bearable. Just a little.
16. I learned that students read at about half the speed of our professors. That partially explains why they assign us so much reading: they don't realize it takes us as long as it does. They're also just jerks.
17. I learned that if I stay up all night I can draw a ten-page graphic novel. I also learned that it's not wise to give the one and only copy of said graphic novel to your professor. I wonder if I can ever get that back.
18. I learned that I am "funny and smart" from one of my professors. Thank you. Wish I could say the same...
19. I learned that lists are one of the many aspects of post-modern writing. I guess you could say this blog post is post-modern. I also learned that my friend Wes uses the term "post-modern" far too often. Like every other sentence. He should read number 13...
20. I'm just kidding.