Wizard Week JoaquiNews: Shutdown of the Ministry of Magic Averted

The Minister of Magic reacts to possible Ministry shutdown.

LONDON—The Ministry of Magic threatened to go into shutdown if political wizards couldn’t agree on a new spending budget.  Yet the debate seemed to go much deeper than galleon spending.  Social issues seemed to be prominent.  Death Eaters were against funding for Planned Wizardhood, an organization that provides witches and muggle women with vital reproductive health care, sex education, and information.   One aspect of their services includes abortions, and although the Death Eater Party supports the killing of muggle/mudblood spawn, it was enraged that these services were also offered to pureblood witches.

The Order of the Phoenix was upset about the fact that social issues were sidetracking the focus on the budget, especially since none of the funding Planned Wizardhood receives actually goes towards abortions.  Yet neither the Death Eaters nor the Order of the Phoenix would back down from what they wanted, and the Ministry of Magic was said to shut down Friday night if a budget deal couldn’t be made.

It’s true that times are tough for the wizarding community.  With the ongoing war against Lord Voldemort, the economy crisis, and the rising polarization of the two major political parties (sometimes referred to as “good vs. evil”), the political climate amongst witches and wizards in the U.K. is the worst it’s ever been.  However, Minister of Magic Rufus Scrimgeour announced early Saturday morning that a deal was indeed made, and the ministry shutdown was averted.

“This is an agreement to invest in our country's future while making the largest annual spending cut in our history," Scrimgeour said over the radio. "Like any compromise, this required everyone to give ground on issues that were important to them…  It's my sincere hope that we can continue to come together as we face the many difficult challenges that lie ahead.”

However, any hopes that the Order of the Phoenix and the Death Eater Party will come together anytime soon is optimistic at best.

Although loosely based on actual news stories (click the links), this article is FAKE.